I completely get that the title of this entry sounds like a plumbing issue. In a way, it is. Unloading a shit load of...shit!
"The shit we fear" ..is...
(inside joke, unless you listen to or know songs I wrote/recorded many moons ago, when music was my crutch (crotch?), but the higher, sturdier crutch was acceptance and attention from others. More on that at some point...maybe.)
Stay focused Loomis,
I can't believe this is the 2nd day in a row I'm writing/posting a blog. Consistency is key for mental repair and recovery (from what?)
Ironic, it is, that I'm using what was my wedding planning blog to continue blogging my mental woes.
The TRUTH,
FINALLY!
Which, is what I wanted my wedding planning blog to be about. Honestly truthful and a testament to how we're all so different, yet, exactly the same. If I would've known at the time of beginning my wedding planning, website, and coexisting blog...
If I would've known that the two worlds of love and lunacy were going to >>BASH<< together like a talented orchestra of classical musicians, whom never met, were crammed together at a pub/concert venue in the dessert mountains, to ahem... "improv" sans sheet music,
"ma'am, we're not a jazz band",
If I foresaw the 2 most life changing events so far, happening simultaneously, maybe my wedding planning blog would've been the release I was craving. But I couldn't quite know then...
I had no idea really....
I was out of mind and that was OK and there's more to the story that may help others, or at the very least, help me get it all out. Regardless of audience participation.
Somewhere there's a February/March 2015 version of me standing up from her computer, giving a slow clap, joined in by every other version of me.
A cast of thousands.
Note to all concerned, confused, questioning: I am too. As for Eddie and I, we are fine. Better than fine. We are super strength duo who dodged and leapt Life's evil villains, sprinting, while somehow slowly and methodically planning our future to ensure the best for us both separately, and together. We have been, and will always be, the most goal oriented power couple you will ever meet.
But I'm the one at home, couch bound, in (super cute!) sweats, top knot, blue light of a teathwhitener accelerator on my mouth facemask, cat and pet birds near by on watching and talking distance, journals, meditation guides, diaries, random unfinished crafts...and many other times, I'm simply sleeping. Many, many other times, crying in various degrees of vibrato, pitch and volume. (Fellow music geeks: ff, or fff if I thought I had the correct privacy)
I'll leave you with a link to an article, not the first by this website I've found that's made sense to me and my journey. This one illustrates the need, the respect and the professional help one needs in this, or any similar, type of situation. Later I'll share the other article that made matched with my current situation (I could no longer take the medications.) (I.e. See previous post)
This woman, her writing, is a blessing to me as it is as real as you or me, and the style paints a portrait of a self sufficient, self aware gal, like myself, who is choosing to be active in the improvement of her mental health. As we all should.
http://www.xojane.com/issues/i-went-off-antidepressants-and-it-almost-ruined-my-life
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