First day of $150 per visit therapy today, and I feel beyond depressed-sad, heart pounding, scared shitless, on the verge of a panic attack, heavy breathing, stomach squeezed, trembling coward. Things must sometimes become messiest before they are cleaned. The therapist and I are a good match. The excitement and motivation is gone now after our first appt. Which I expected. This is going to be hard. I'm already uncomfortable and we've barely started.
Yes of course things will work out, get better, get easier, etc. It's just been a long time of suffering, now I'm going to suffer while walking up hill for While. This panic today though...wasn't expecting. SO miserable! It's been years since I've felt this heart pounding fear while laying on a couch.
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