Agoraphobia

What's agoraphobia? 

Official definition is: Obsessive, persistent, intense fear of open places.

PubMed (which is the U.S. National Library of Medicine and all articles are peer reviewed a.k.a. factual and legit science or at least pretty darn close) elaborates on this definition:

People who have full-blown, repeated panic attacks can become very disabled by their condition and should seek treatment before they start to avoid places or situations where panic attacks have occurred. For example, if a panic attack happened in an elevator, someone with panic disorder may develop a fear of elevators that could affect the choice of a job or an apartment, and restrict where that person can seek medical attention or enjoy entertainment.
Some people's lives become so restricted that they avoid normal activities, such as grocery shopping or driving. About one-third become housebound or are able to confront a feared situation only when accompanied by a spouse or other trusted person. When the condition progresses this far, it is called agoraphobia, or fear of open spaces.
Early treatment can often prevent agoraphobia, but people with panic disorder may sometimes go from doctor to doctor for years and visit the emergency room repeatedly before someone correctly diagnoses their condition. This is unfortunate, because panic disorder is one of the most treatable of all the anxiety disorders, responding in most cases to certain kinds of medication or certain kinds of cognitive psychotherapy, which help change thinking patterns that lead to fear and anxiety

Us and Them:

I battle major depressive disorder, anxiety, and panic disorder. I am one of billions in our country who experience mental illness. Out of those billions, I am one of 80% of mentally ill Americans who are unemployed.  Out of that 80% of unemployed mental illness sufferers, I am one of the 19.2% who are medically deemed unfit for work by medical doctors, and out of the 19.2% of us disabled by our illness, I am one of many who have applied for SSI benefits and have been stuck in the waiting room of the system, receiving neither denial or confirmation of benefit status.  I have been waiting for almost 2 years now.

*information found on these websites: NAMI, NPR, and eeoc.gov
*stats listed are/were current 2013, 2015, and 2017

Real Talk:

Now that the research paper part of this is over, remember that I don't write these blog posts because I believe that I am right and everyone else is wrong, nor to sway another individuals opinion, and I am definitely not looking to have a debate over what content I post is real life or fake. I just like to give sources of my information when I do use a source that's outside my own brain. It's usually a quick google search and click, boom, there goes the source.  It's a way to write about something that has a mixture of the thoughts flowing out of my own head and the voice's of others.  I write these blog posts to reach out to others and relate.

If you are currently suffering from anxiety, panic disorders, mental illness or unemployment and need help, I highly recommend consulting your psychiatrist, therapists, and perhaps a social worker.  Get professional help and if you aren't getting what you need, FIGHT FOR IT.  Why spend your precious time living a life inhibited by a legitimate illness? Help yourself before you help others.  It will make every little and big thing you do much easier.  If you are like me, and currently can't work, IT'S OK. No matter how "successful" you were previous to your diagnoses or relapse, learn to reevaluate and redefine what a "successful" day or week looks like to you. Having a job is a blessing and I personally have missed not being able to be well enough to show up to a paying job or even a volunteer opportunity on a consistent basis.   Based on smaller commitments in my current day to day, I cannot guarantee I will be able to participate in activities, no matter how big or small, on any given date in the future. I do not want to let people down or cause a business to lose money, because I don't have 100% control over being able to get passed my symptoms and continue on.

However, while not working, I have been FIGHTING. Giving my all every single day and taking advantage of every opportunity to gain tools I need to get back to being a reliable human being, capable of showing up and following through.  You know what? I have made so much progress that I believe I am getting close now to that point.  With the support of my current mental health professionals, I will take on bigger tasks, and I may fail but it's awesome just knowing I felt stable enough to try.

I think that mental illness and the restrictions that it puts on our day to day lives is complex and ever changing. I also think that agoraphobia and unemployment are 2 topics that may have a connection.  I can certainly relate.  I think many of you out there can relate as well.  Some of us, can do more than relate to this, we live this. I live this. I live this life that is sweet but cruel, in an ever changing world, from inside a mind that changes a million different times from one day to the next. I can't wait to participate more in this chaotic ride through life.

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