Maybe because I am a mental health blogger, I get to test out the latest and greatest in mental health issues. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and IBS which both are manifestations of stress in the body. Recently, I started having dizzy spells and other symptoms that I thought were part of our fertility drug side effects. One day it all came to a head and tell you what happened.
It's happening now even as I am typing this. I thought I knew everything about panic attacks. I started getting them when I was 23. It starts with a feeling of dread and ears buzzing. Heart rate ramps up and hand and feet tingle and feel clammy. Then you instantly feel like you are dying and all you can hear is your heart racing. It's thudding in your chest and you start to shiver and your muscles tense up and you pull into yourself. I always felt like if I wasn't feeling all of those things at once then it must not be a panic attack. I have had a couple since starting our fertility meds. So having dizzy spells felt like another part of that. Plus, I had been to the emergency room more times than I can count for panic attacks. These visits cost me thousands of dollars and after halter monitors, heart ultrasounds, ECGs and many other tests, all other heart issues were ruled and out and they were diagnosed panic attacks.
At some point, the dizziness was causing me to feel unsteady on my feet. I also had took a nasty spill on some ice and some how felt like it all went together. Was I so dizzy that I was falling? Did I hit my head when I fell and just didn't realize it? I called our fertility doctor's office and explained how I was feeling. I was told to check my smile in the mirror to see if it was even on both sides, I'm thinking it was to check for stroke symptoms. All I saw in the mirror was a fake smile and dimples. It was an even smile. They reported back to me later that day that I shouldn't be feeling these symptoms from the the medications at this point in my cycle. Well, shoot. There goes the easy answer. What else could it be?
I was at work and carrying some super heavy boxes down a couple flights of stairs. A nice little work out for my arms and legs and nothing that should do harm but about a half hour after doing that I felt worse than ever. This is point where I decide to call my primary care doctor's office. Calling the doctor's office and explaining my symptoms to a nurse and answering her questions makes me more nervous. and deciding if I should leave work early or go after work makes me even more stressed and nervous. The dizziness is worsening. The worst part was still to come, the dreaded call to your boss that you suddenly have to leave because you're too dizzy. I felt SO STUPID for having to leave for that reason. Why couldn't it just be a fever or an ear infection or something recognizable? I started feeling sorry for myself about all the times I've had to miss work or other obligations for random symptoms that don't make any sense. Spoiler alert, these symptoms are usually a manifestation of anxiety or panic or depression.
My head was "whooshing" and I felt like it was spinning in circles and I was suddenly desperately tired and exhausted and wished I could pass out. "What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I just work a simple job and feel the way a person who eats well, exercises, meditates daily and doesn't drink or smoke feel?" God, I would do anything to just be a "normal" person at that point. (yes I know there is no "normal" but there is no reasoning with a panic attack) These are all the thoughts that were going through my head.
These types of thoughts start bringing on an actual panic attack and wish I could run out of the building. Was something stressing me out? The only thing I could think of that was stressing me out was a family emergency I had last week but I felt like I handled it well and it seemed well enough resolved. I should know better by now that stress manifests itself in my body in the worst and confusing ways. But I had tried everything I that would normally kill a panic attack such as deep belly breathing and meditation. The lights seemed too bright but my vision wasn't blurry. I was so dizzy that I "felt like" passing out but I didn't actually pass out. My reflexes were even and normal. My blood pressure was perfect as usual. I was even able to laugh at myself. So if I was still that dizzy then there should be something wrong, right? I kept hoping the doctor would simply find something in my ear and pull it out and be like "I found it! All better!" and I'd be all, "Wow! Thanks doc! That does feel much better!" then we'd all laugh and leave and go back to normal.
But no, he hummed and puzzled over my symptoms and as we began to talk about my past issues with panic attacks he told me that this is what he thinks is happening. My heart sank. Darn. Not that I wasn't grateful there wasn't something actually wrong with me but dammit I thought I knew what panic attacks were and how to kick it's ass before it interferes with my life. He explained that those in the health care profession, and through experiences with other patients, that different types of panic attacks happen in different ways. A panic attack you feel after hearing someone has passed away is different from a panic attack you feel at work, etc. He had some patients that could differentiate between the different episodes. As in "oh, this is a work panic attack and this isn't".
My God, I had no clue that these types of things existed! He asked me if I felt better knowing it wasn't a major physical health issue and I had to admit it felt a bit better to know what it was. We still drew some blood to check things like thyroid. (everything came back normal) I was still really bummed that panic had done it again and interfered with my life. My job is NOT stressful. It's not even full time. So why am I having a panic attacks? Well, it's not work or family emergencies or any other event or stressor. It's my brain chemistry.
So that's my story about the new and improved panic attack formula. It's the latest and greatest craze thats sweeping the nation at a dizzying pace. Try to keep up!
It's happening now even as I am typing this. I thought I knew everything about panic attacks. I started getting them when I was 23. It starts with a feeling of dread and ears buzzing. Heart rate ramps up and hand and feet tingle and feel clammy. Then you instantly feel like you are dying and all you can hear is your heart racing. It's thudding in your chest and you start to shiver and your muscles tense up and you pull into yourself. I always felt like if I wasn't feeling all of those things at once then it must not be a panic attack. I have had a couple since starting our fertility meds. So having dizzy spells felt like another part of that. Plus, I had been to the emergency room more times than I can count for panic attacks. These visits cost me thousands of dollars and after halter monitors, heart ultrasounds, ECGs and many other tests, all other heart issues were ruled and out and they were diagnosed panic attacks.
At some point, the dizziness was causing me to feel unsteady on my feet. I also had took a nasty spill on some ice and some how felt like it all went together. Was I so dizzy that I was falling? Did I hit my head when I fell and just didn't realize it? I called our fertility doctor's office and explained how I was feeling. I was told to check my smile in the mirror to see if it was even on both sides, I'm thinking it was to check for stroke symptoms. All I saw in the mirror was a fake smile and dimples. It was an even smile. They reported back to me later that day that I shouldn't be feeling these symptoms from the the medications at this point in my cycle. Well, shoot. There goes the easy answer. What else could it be?
I was at work and carrying some super heavy boxes down a couple flights of stairs. A nice little work out for my arms and legs and nothing that should do harm but about a half hour after doing that I felt worse than ever. This is point where I decide to call my primary care doctor's office. Calling the doctor's office and explaining my symptoms to a nurse and answering her questions makes me more nervous. and deciding if I should leave work early or go after work makes me even more stressed and nervous. The dizziness is worsening. The worst part was still to come, the dreaded call to your boss that you suddenly have to leave because you're too dizzy. I felt SO STUPID for having to leave for that reason. Why couldn't it just be a fever or an ear infection or something recognizable? I started feeling sorry for myself about all the times I've had to miss work or other obligations for random symptoms that don't make any sense. Spoiler alert, these symptoms are usually a manifestation of anxiety or panic or depression.
My head was "whooshing" and I felt like it was spinning in circles and I was suddenly desperately tired and exhausted and wished I could pass out. "What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I just work a simple job and feel the way a person who eats well, exercises, meditates daily and doesn't drink or smoke feel?" God, I would do anything to just be a "normal" person at that point. (yes I know there is no "normal" but there is no reasoning with a panic attack) These are all the thoughts that were going through my head.
These types of thoughts start bringing on an actual panic attack and wish I could run out of the building. Was something stressing me out? The only thing I could think of that was stressing me out was a family emergency I had last week but I felt like I handled it well and it seemed well enough resolved. I should know better by now that stress manifests itself in my body in the worst and confusing ways. But I had tried everything I that would normally kill a panic attack such as deep belly breathing and meditation. The lights seemed too bright but my vision wasn't blurry. I was so dizzy that I "felt like" passing out but I didn't actually pass out. My reflexes were even and normal. My blood pressure was perfect as usual. I was even able to laugh at myself. So if I was still that dizzy then there should be something wrong, right? I kept hoping the doctor would simply find something in my ear and pull it out and be like "I found it! All better!" and I'd be all, "Wow! Thanks doc! That does feel much better!" then we'd all laugh and leave and go back to normal.
But no, he hummed and puzzled over my symptoms and as we began to talk about my past issues with panic attacks he told me that this is what he thinks is happening. My heart sank. Darn. Not that I wasn't grateful there wasn't something actually wrong with me but dammit I thought I knew what panic attacks were and how to kick it's ass before it interferes with my life. He explained that those in the health care profession, and through experiences with other patients, that different types of panic attacks happen in different ways. A panic attack you feel after hearing someone has passed away is different from a panic attack you feel at work, etc. He had some patients that could differentiate between the different episodes. As in "oh, this is a work panic attack and this isn't".
My God, I had no clue that these types of things existed! He asked me if I felt better knowing it wasn't a major physical health issue and I had to admit it felt a bit better to know what it was. We still drew some blood to check things like thyroid. (everything came back normal) I was still really bummed that panic had done it again and interfered with my life. My job is NOT stressful. It's not even full time. So why am I having a panic attacks? Well, it's not work or family emergencies or any other event or stressor. It's my brain chemistry.
So that's my story about the new and improved panic attack formula. It's the latest and greatest craze thats sweeping the nation at a dizzying pace. Try to keep up!
Comments
Post a Comment