It's a day and age where we are always being watched. Having cameras on us on all times is the "norm". Whether we are posting youtube videos, our friend's snapchats, security cameras at work... you know how it is. Is our privacy really even private anymore? Are our TV's watching us? What about our own cameras and phones? What does this have to do with mental health? Well, a lot. I think I've talked enough about social media and mental health to make you roll your eyes by now. but I keep talking about it because it means so much to me. I don't want to hear about how I'm being watched by cameras or even think about someone invading my privacy or watching me when I think I'm alone because something has happened to me that changed me forever and now I'm ready to share this story.
These events started happening to me in 2008. At the time, I was in a long distance relationship with Eddie who was still in the Army. Having a strong and bad ass Army Ranger boyfriend is awesome but when you live in separate states, there's not a whole lot he can do to make you feel protected on a daily basis. I knew I had to take care of myself and be strong while we were apart. This was a little over 10 ten years ago and thankfully many things have changed, including what you can do about these things which we will get to in a bit.
I had a facebook at the time, and I still do. These events didn't cause me to quit social media or change my phone number and that's something important about this story. I wanted to keep my life the way it was and that meant that once my privacy was invaded, I had to fight back instead of hiding. and dammit if I didn't wish I had the same resolve with everything. Right?
I'm going to keep all parties of this situation private except for Eddie and I. However I am keeping every detail about the story as accurate as I can. This man who was my stalker, did not message me on facebook but as I found out later, he did at one point have me as a friend on facebook. He was someone that I went to high school with but I never, that I can remember, talked to him or had any interaction before or after we graduated. Once I heard this man's name when it was all said and done, I still had no clue who he was. I didn't work with him or hang out in the same social circles. I just want to hi-lite the fact that this guy was not in my social circles so be aware that anyone from anywhere could do this.
As a side-note, when I say "friends" on facebook, and I think you all know the gist, but you can "friend" someone and not even talk to them. I just want to clarify that before moving on. At the time I was accepting "friend requests" from most people whether or not I knew them. and I do want to put out there that at one point in time, my phone number, unfortunately, was listed for others to see who were "friends" with me on facebook. When this started happening to me, I realized this fact and quickly took it down. As I recall during this time, many people had their phone number listed as visible to "friends" on facebook and didn't even realize it. Myself included.
The harassment started with phone calls. Having a boyfriend in the army, especially one who is deployed to Iraq, can sometimes mean you have your phone ringer turned on 24/7 so you don't miss any calls. I was in that habit at the time. Although Eddie was, thankfully, done with his tours over seas, I was still used to being available to talk at anytime incase he needed support of any kind. I had a black samsung flip phone with called ID and the number was always blocked when this stalker guy called or it was a number I didn't recognize. I often let it go to voicemail. He left voicemails sometimes, but they were terrifyingly silent. Just static or air. Then he would call again. and again. and again. all. night. long. It was absurd. At this time, call blocking wasn't an option on a every day cell phone plan. I tried calling sprint to see if they could block a number for me but that wasn't an option either. (research at the time told me that Verizon was the only cell phone company blocking numbers for people) For several weeks I dealt with these constant phone calls and fought with the idea of changing my phone number.
I wasn't alone in this endeavor. and I feel like I had a unique situation where I found out who another girl was that he was also harassing. A girl that also lived in my hometown that also graduated the same year. This bizarre experience would bring us together in the strangest way. I am glad to know her and have gone through this together. We had a detective devoted to the case who we could call at anytime and he would reach out to us when we needed him. but until they could find out who he was, the phone calls continued.
My phone was always ringing from this dude and I have to admit that a couple times I picked up and tried to find out who he was. I never confirmed it was me that he was trying to reach, as in I never said "this is Lindsay" but I think he already knew obviously because my voice mail greeting says who it is. When I asked this guy questions he would tell me things like "I got your phone number from a mutual friend in jail" (are you fucking kidding me?). He told me he knew where I lived, where I worked and when I left the house. He told me what he liked about how I looked and my photos. He told me he knew who my friends are. He never actually said, "I am watching you right now" but there were many times when I would come home from work late at night, my purse and waitress apron in hand with my keys, and nervously shake out of fear for wether this guy really was watching to see when I come and go. Eddie would try to comfort me by saying he was probably all talk, which I think now is true, but it was still terrifying.
I remember there was one time I was hanging out with some guy friends and we were all out having a great time. The stalker starts calling again and the phone was passed around between my friends while they took turns threatening him and trying to get him to say who he was. There was probably a lot of "I'll kick your ass" (rolling eyes) and other macho-guy talk. The incident wasn't the only time I had a friend pick up the phone and tell him off. We weren't going to stop him this way. I was relieved when the detective started getting information on this guy and could give me the good news.
The detective learned that this man was using "burner phones" that were 100% untraceable. So we waited and kept reporting the phone numbers he would call from. Finally, the detective found the store where he was purchasing them from but he was paying in cash. A couple weeks go by and I get a phone call telling me that this guy was dumb enough to buy another burner phone but he must've been going broke because he used a credit card in HIS NAME.
Bingo! They had his name and info now and actually the detective told me he was already known by local law enforcement because he gets in trouble quite a bit. At the time that we pressed charges, he was already on probation, which led to him getting jail time for violating his parole. I don't know if I have all the phrasing of this legal talk correct but all I cared about is that we tracked this guy down and he needed to learn that I was girl who fought back.
There was still a final step to take though. I had to see him in court and was I nervous for that. I felt like I was such a bad-ass working with a detective to get my stalker in jail and enjoy life harassment free, but when it came time to see him in person, I freaked out. They allowed me to sit in another room with a friend of mine at the courthouse while they proceeded to do their legal stuff in the room next to us. All I had to do was testify, answer question, etc. When they told me he was about to walk by the room, I put my head down. I just couldn't look. What If I recognized him or he said something to me? My friend reported to me that he looked just like any other guy. What does that tell you?
Now, do most people get jail time for phone call harassment/stalking? I'm not sure and I think usually not but because this guy was already in trouble, he was put back in jail. It was confirmed by the detective when and where he was incarcerated and he was also kind enough to notify me when he got out of jail a couple years later. I was living in California at the time so I didn't care about that! And living in Michigan now? Still not scared.
So that's basically my story of how I put my stalker in jail. I love telling you guys stories about my life and passing on things I've learned from different situations. What would you have done if you were me? What do you think we could do now in 2020 about this that we couldn't do in 2008?
and here's a bonus tip!
These events started happening to me in 2008. At the time, I was in a long distance relationship with Eddie who was still in the Army. Having a strong and bad ass Army Ranger boyfriend is awesome but when you live in separate states, there's not a whole lot he can do to make you feel protected on a daily basis. I knew I had to take care of myself and be strong while we were apart. This was a little over 10 ten years ago and thankfully many things have changed, including what you can do about these things which we will get to in a bit.
I had a facebook at the time, and I still do. These events didn't cause me to quit social media or change my phone number and that's something important about this story. I wanted to keep my life the way it was and that meant that once my privacy was invaded, I had to fight back instead of hiding. and dammit if I didn't wish I had the same resolve with everything. Right?
I'm going to keep all parties of this situation private except for Eddie and I. However I am keeping every detail about the story as accurate as I can. This man who was my stalker, did not message me on facebook but as I found out later, he did at one point have me as a friend on facebook. He was someone that I went to high school with but I never, that I can remember, talked to him or had any interaction before or after we graduated. Once I heard this man's name when it was all said and done, I still had no clue who he was. I didn't work with him or hang out in the same social circles. I just want to hi-lite the fact that this guy was not in my social circles so be aware that anyone from anywhere could do this.
As a side-note, when I say "friends" on facebook, and I think you all know the gist, but you can "friend" someone and not even talk to them. I just want to clarify that before moving on. At the time I was accepting "friend requests" from most people whether or not I knew them. and I do want to put out there that at one point in time, my phone number, unfortunately, was listed for others to see who were "friends" with me on facebook. When this started happening to me, I realized this fact and quickly took it down. As I recall during this time, many people had their phone number listed as visible to "friends" on facebook and didn't even realize it. Myself included.
The harassment started with phone calls. Having a boyfriend in the army, especially one who is deployed to Iraq, can sometimes mean you have your phone ringer turned on 24/7 so you don't miss any calls. I was in that habit at the time. Although Eddie was, thankfully, done with his tours over seas, I was still used to being available to talk at anytime incase he needed support of any kind. I had a black samsung flip phone with called ID and the number was always blocked when this stalker guy called or it was a number I didn't recognize. I often let it go to voicemail. He left voicemails sometimes, but they were terrifyingly silent. Just static or air. Then he would call again. and again. and again. all. night. long. It was absurd. At this time, call blocking wasn't an option on a every day cell phone plan. I tried calling sprint to see if they could block a number for me but that wasn't an option either. (research at the time told me that Verizon was the only cell phone company blocking numbers for people) For several weeks I dealt with these constant phone calls and fought with the idea of changing my phone number.
I wasn't alone in this endeavor. and I feel like I had a unique situation where I found out who another girl was that he was also harassing. A girl that also lived in my hometown that also graduated the same year. This bizarre experience would bring us together in the strangest way. I am glad to know her and have gone through this together. We had a detective devoted to the case who we could call at anytime and he would reach out to us when we needed him. but until they could find out who he was, the phone calls continued.
My phone was always ringing from this dude and I have to admit that a couple times I picked up and tried to find out who he was. I never confirmed it was me that he was trying to reach, as in I never said "this is Lindsay" but I think he already knew obviously because my voice mail greeting says who it is. When I asked this guy questions he would tell me things like "I got your phone number from a mutual friend in jail" (are you fucking kidding me?). He told me he knew where I lived, where I worked and when I left the house. He told me what he liked about how I looked and my photos. He told me he knew who my friends are. He never actually said, "I am watching you right now" but there were many times when I would come home from work late at night, my purse and waitress apron in hand with my keys, and nervously shake out of fear for wether this guy really was watching to see when I come and go. Eddie would try to comfort me by saying he was probably all talk, which I think now is true, but it was still terrifying.
I remember there was one time I was hanging out with some guy friends and we were all out having a great time. The stalker starts calling again and the phone was passed around between my friends while they took turns threatening him and trying to get him to say who he was. There was probably a lot of "I'll kick your ass" (rolling eyes) and other macho-guy talk. The incident wasn't the only time I had a friend pick up the phone and tell him off. We weren't going to stop him this way. I was relieved when the detective started getting information on this guy and could give me the good news.
The detective learned that this man was using "burner phones" that were 100% untraceable. So we waited and kept reporting the phone numbers he would call from. Finally, the detective found the store where he was purchasing them from but he was paying in cash. A couple weeks go by and I get a phone call telling me that this guy was dumb enough to buy another burner phone but he must've been going broke because he used a credit card in HIS NAME.
Bingo! They had his name and info now and actually the detective told me he was already known by local law enforcement because he gets in trouble quite a bit. At the time that we pressed charges, he was already on probation, which led to him getting jail time for violating his parole. I don't know if I have all the phrasing of this legal talk correct but all I cared about is that we tracked this guy down and he needed to learn that I was girl who fought back.
There was still a final step to take though. I had to see him in court and was I nervous for that. I felt like I was such a bad-ass working with a detective to get my stalker in jail and enjoy life harassment free, but when it came time to see him in person, I freaked out. They allowed me to sit in another room with a friend of mine at the courthouse while they proceeded to do their legal stuff in the room next to us. All I had to do was testify, answer question, etc. When they told me he was about to walk by the room, I put my head down. I just couldn't look. What If I recognized him or he said something to me? My friend reported to me that he looked just like any other guy. What does that tell you?
Now, do most people get jail time for phone call harassment/stalking? I'm not sure and I think usually not but because this guy was already in trouble, he was put back in jail. It was confirmed by the detective when and where he was incarcerated and he was also kind enough to notify me when he got out of jail a couple years later. I was living in California at the time so I didn't care about that! And living in Michigan now? Still not scared.
So that's basically my story of how I put my stalker in jail. I love telling you guys stories about my life and passing on things I've learned from different situations. What would you have done if you were me? What do you think we could do now in 2020 about this that we couldn't do in 2008?
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| pink cellphone |
and here's a bonus tip!
Another great story Lindsay! So very true that the eye's are watching us, very scary, glad you caught this loser!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Judy! Girl Power!
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