I can't tell where my grief for Peanut ends and the grief for our old life begins (as in life changes due to covid19). It's all blending together. and yes, grief for our old life, even though it hasn't been that different for that long yet, but today I learned about something called anticipatory grief, which is the grief we have for our future that we planned for which is no longer viable. Check out this article:
Many people are dying due to the virus and many more will die. What can we do to feel some sense of control? Many things! All of these things were important before the outbreak of covid19, but are now just more in focus.
First of all, stay inside please. We know the reasons why. To flatten the curve of course. Please remember that when that ambulance comes to pick you or your loved one up who may be experiencing troubles with the virus more than you can treat at home, remember that you won't be going with them. You won't be able to be there and hold their hand while they get treatment and this also means if you are hospitalized, you won't have your loved ones at your side. I'm not saying this to be negative or scary, but some of us, I think, need to be reminded of this fact when we feel like taking a chance. If you care more for your pets than people (which is honestly my attitude sometimes) then maybe it would help you take it more seriously if you knew about the CDC's recommendation that we do not interact with our pets after testing positive. There have been some reports that our cats and dogs are getting sick from this virus. Yes, cats and dogs and other animals have their own types of corona that we can't catch or vice versa, but there is some evidence now coming in that we may be passing covid19 to our beloved pets. The CDC doesn't have enough evidence yet to support this but they obviously feel like it's worth avoiding to send out this statement. They are suggesting that those testing positive for covid19 should no longer be the ones caring for our pets. Do you have other family members in your home that can care of your pets while you are ill? The CDC is recommending that those of us who are testing positive to discontinue petting, snuggling, kissing and sharing food our pets. The very comfort we crave most maybe unavailable when we get sick.
If you are worried about how your loved ones will be affected by your getting sick, or worse, then let your family know what your preferences are for funeral services. It can't hurt! Any info you pass on about your wishes will help them make difficult decisions after you are gone. Do you prefer cremation? Green burial? Type of service? Religious affiliations? Although the the services after a death are more for the living to benefit from, sometimes knowing what your spouse or parents desire can make those awful choices a little bit easier to make.
Do you have any life insurance set up? Now's the time! The last thing you want to be thinking about when dealing with a death in the family is financial problems. Make sure your loved ones know how to access everything that will be vital for your aftercare.
Again, this isn't to scare or feed the hysteria. Death is just a part of life! We all will face it sooner or later. Why not use this as an opportunity to open a dialogue with your loved ones? Just acknowledging these uncomfortable topics can help us feel a little more control. If we know our loved ones have the resources they need to make the transition in life without you, it can help you focus more on the here and now.
If you don't know where to start, now is the time to contact funeral homes and take care your pre-need arrangements. Do this before the funeral homes become swamped with extra work from the covid19 patients. Most pre-need information and planning can be done over the phone or email so there's no need to break your quarantine or physical-distancing effort. Same thing with contacting your lawyer for life insurance and estate planning needs.
If you still don't feel comfortable speaking with your family about your wishes, then at least plan with a local funeral home and let your family know which funeral home or director to contact when the time comes. Reassure them that everything is planned and that you've tried to make it as easy for them as possible.
I didn't expect this little blog post to become such an advertisement for funeral homes but here we are anyway. There are honestly hundreds of topics I want to write about right now, but obviously this topic is close to my heart.
If you have any questions or concerns about these things please reach out to me! I will always do my best to give you any information or simply be a sympathetic ear. Many of us are dealing with severe grief for the first time and it's very scary. Whether is grief for our old way of life or grief over death, grief is hard for everyone. Right now is the time to discuss it, make your plans, and then move on with your life.
Anticipatory grief is that feeling we get about what the future holds when we’re uncertain. Usually it centers on death. We feel it when someone gets a dire diagnosis or when we have the normal thought that we’ll lose a parent someday. Anticipatory grief is also more broadly imagined futures. There is a storm coming. There’s something bad out there. With a virus, this kind of grief is so confusing for people. Our primitive mind knows something bad is happening, but you can’t see it. This breaks our sense of safety. We’re feeling that loss of safety. I don’t think we’ve collectively lost our sense of general safety like this. Individually or as smaller groups, people have felt this. But all together, this is new. We are grieving on a micro and a macro level. -That Discomfort You're Feeling Is Grief, Harvard Business ReviewThis article, discusses grief and death in the time of corona virus. As most of you know, my husband is a funeral director and this article discusses what the future of his job holds. Many funeral homes have already been using things like facebook live to extend the reach out to family members and friends who want to mourn together. This will now start being the norm.
Many people are dying due to the virus and many more will die. What can we do to feel some sense of control? Many things! All of these things were important before the outbreak of covid19, but are now just more in focus.
First of all, stay inside please. We know the reasons why. To flatten the curve of course. Please remember that when that ambulance comes to pick you or your loved one up who may be experiencing troubles with the virus more than you can treat at home, remember that you won't be going with them. You won't be able to be there and hold their hand while they get treatment and this also means if you are hospitalized, you won't have your loved ones at your side. I'm not saying this to be negative or scary, but some of us, I think, need to be reminded of this fact when we feel like taking a chance. If you care more for your pets than people (which is honestly my attitude sometimes) then maybe it would help you take it more seriously if you knew about the CDC's recommendation that we do not interact with our pets after testing positive. There have been some reports that our cats and dogs are getting sick from this virus. Yes, cats and dogs and other animals have their own types of corona that we can't catch or vice versa, but there is some evidence now coming in that we may be passing covid19 to our beloved pets. The CDC doesn't have enough evidence yet to support this but they obviously feel like it's worth avoiding to send out this statement. They are suggesting that those testing positive for covid19 should no longer be the ones caring for our pets. Do you have other family members in your home that can care of your pets while you are ill? The CDC is recommending that those of us who are testing positive to discontinue petting, snuggling, kissing and sharing food our pets. The very comfort we crave most maybe unavailable when we get sick.
If you are worried about how your loved ones will be affected by your getting sick, or worse, then let your family know what your preferences are for funeral services. It can't hurt! Any info you pass on about your wishes will help them make difficult decisions after you are gone. Do you prefer cremation? Green burial? Type of service? Religious affiliations? Although the the services after a death are more for the living to benefit from, sometimes knowing what your spouse or parents desire can make those awful choices a little bit easier to make.
Do you have any life insurance set up? Now's the time! The last thing you want to be thinking about when dealing with a death in the family is financial problems. Make sure your loved ones know how to access everything that will be vital for your aftercare.
Again, this isn't to scare or feed the hysteria. Death is just a part of life! We all will face it sooner or later. Why not use this as an opportunity to open a dialogue with your loved ones? Just acknowledging these uncomfortable topics can help us feel a little more control. If we know our loved ones have the resources they need to make the transition in life without you, it can help you focus more on the here and now.
If you don't know where to start, now is the time to contact funeral homes and take care your pre-need arrangements. Do this before the funeral homes become swamped with extra work from the covid19 patients. Most pre-need information and planning can be done over the phone or email so there's no need to break your quarantine or physical-distancing effort. Same thing with contacting your lawyer for life insurance and estate planning needs.
If you still don't feel comfortable speaking with your family about your wishes, then at least plan with a local funeral home and let your family know which funeral home or director to contact when the time comes. Reassure them that everything is planned and that you've tried to make it as easy for them as possible.
I didn't expect this little blog post to become such an advertisement for funeral homes but here we are anyway. There are honestly hundreds of topics I want to write about right now, but obviously this topic is close to my heart.
If you have any questions or concerns about these things please reach out to me! I will always do my best to give you any information or simply be a sympathetic ear. Many of us are dealing with severe grief for the first time and it's very scary. Whether is grief for our old way of life or grief over death, grief is hard for everyone. Right now is the time to discuss it, make your plans, and then move on with your life.
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