Blog'antine Day 1

After Eddie and I decided that I was going to stay inside for 2 weeks straight (he has to work still, he's an essential worker as he is a funeral director and embalmer), then the president announced the we are keeping everything locked down for another month, I wondered what I can challenge myself to do that lasts one month? Not that staying home and isolating (except neighborhood walks) isn't a challenge, it totally is and I know that it will effect my mental health but I still need to make more goals. I decided I would do "a blog a day until the month of May"! I explained this goal to Eddie and he immediately said some things that I thought were pretty creative. "Tips to Stay Sane" he said- and I added, "Tips to stay sane, from a crazy person" ;-) and then he said "Blog'antine" (a play on words, combining blog and quarantine) and that blew my mind. You know how some youtubers DO "Vlog-mas", which is essentially putting out a vlog everyday for like 2 weeks or a month?.... so I'm doing something similar to that.

*deep breath* I am going to a one blog post per day for the entire month of April! I am going to set my standards as high as I can as far as content goes but it's not going to be perfect. Nothing is perfect. I hope that by me reaching out everyday and talking about my hopes, fears and dreams and how I am coping, will help you guys get through the next month. We'll get through it together. 

The insanity that is life can also be beautiful. I want to acknowledge that these recent events are hard on everyone and effect people in different ways. It's ok to be mad, sad, scared and also know that other's have it "worse" or "better" than you. Those are all natural feelings and thoughts to have. When I talk about how hard this is for me, please know that I also acknowledge it's hard on everyone. The last post I did focused on getting through the grief we are feeling for losing our old ways of life. 

When I went through some very severe depression cycles circa 2015/2016, I was furious that I had to learn how to stay home and just be alone with myself and be ok with that. I took away from myself unhealthy coping mechanisms such as drinking and partying and feeling the need to be with other people all the time, regardless of how un-healthy they are to me. I guess learning how to just be by myself and be ok with that was a good thing to learn because now it's happening again. This is different though because EVERYONE is stuck at home with me and I don't feel like I'm missing out on life. So there's solidarity in that. Again, it's just crazy that I had to learn to slay my agoraphobia (social anxiety, panic disorder, etc) and I conquered it only to now be back in a time in my life where I don't leave the house at all. I'm trying really hard to remind myself that although the actions I am making mimic my old ways of life, I am indeed a different person now and I am still way stronger than I was then, but the staying home every single day does remind me of bad times in my life.

Not everyday of this "blog a day to keep the doctor away" is going to have a major theme. I am just going to allow myself to write whatever I am feeling that and hope it's enough to keep my sanity and perhaps help keep your sanity intact as well. What else am I doing everyday to keep my sanity while I quarantine and keep my physical distance? Glad you asked!

Today's tips for staying sane from a crazy person:

1. Walk outside everyday! Whether it's just walking outside our front door to take a few deep breathes or going for an actual walk around your neighborhood, I am doing this every single day.  I enjoy walking through the alleyways of our neighborhood so that we can see what other's have been doing with their yards and I have discovered a lot! I had no clue that so many people in our 'hood had chicken coops until recently! It's a joy to see these chickens pecking around and it gives me joy to think that some day we will have a chicken coop as well. I love seeing what other's are doing with their gardens. We realized many homes around us also have grape vines in their yards, which is not something I expected to see in Northern Michigan. We want to build a pergola  in our backyard that leads to our hot tub. I wondered what sort of vines we would cover it in and I'm thinking now grape vines are a great idea! Another great part of being outside is seeing all of the neighbor's dogs and cats. I am abstaining for petting because I have no clue if I am carrying covid-19 and don't want to risk it getting onto someone's pet and then that pet going inside and contaminating them! (side bar- is that thought irrational? tell me what you think!) I would just rather be safe than sorry. If you know me at all then you know that animals are healing to me and just seeing them, even for a brief second, makes me so happy. I recently had my tarot cards read by Tara at Higher Self here in TC, and she confirmed that I am indeed an empath and she gave me many tips on how to cope with all the feelings I get from other people. She suggested that I go outside, put my hands on the ground and release the negative energy I am feeling into the ground because our mother earth is strong and she can take it. So if you see me laying hands on the ground and screaming like a maniac, don't worry, I'm just your crazy neighborhood empath trying to release my pain. Whether there's truth to this or not, it doesn't matter because it helps me and maybe it will help you too!
2. Talk to your pets! If you don't have pets then talk to your birds and squirrels! As many of you know, I recently lost my stay-at-home best buddy and fuzz therapist Peanut. I am ACHING to pet a cat. Seriously. I feel like I am having an existential crisis over whether or not to get another cat every. Single. Day. My God, it's only been a week and half since Peanut went to heaven but I am craving kitties! I know I suggested to adopt a pet or foster a pet in a recent blog, and I don't want to seem like a hypocrite for not doing it myself already, but I am holding off because I know that any kitty we get deserves my full attention and I am not sure if that's what this cat would get as I am still very much grieving for Peanut. I still cry for her daily.  Also, animal hospitals and veterinarian services may not be accessible at this time and I don't know WHAT  I would do if I had a cat that needed to be seen and couldn't. I realize I am going to struggle over this decision on a daily basis. I know that having a cat here again would make me cry tears of joy but I don't know if I am ready or if it's worth it to break my quarantine and subject myself by picking up the cat from the shelter or going to petsmart for supplies. I'm just....not sure yet about any of it. For now, I still have Pistachio, our new zebra finch boy, and he is doing a great job of entertaining me and keeping my spirits up. 
3. Cardio! I'm realizing that by getting my heart rate up at home and doing cardio work outs have been a great way to release my frustration. I cry out as loud as I want when I'm at home exercising and feeling the burn. No one is here to judge me when my cardio routine turns into a fit of tears. Right now, tons of people are posting free work out videos and apps to use, which is awesome! My go-to is my fitbit app, which has a separate "coaching" app that has tons of great work-outs to follow, and right now fitbit is doing 3 months of premium for free so I have access to all of the workouts now and not just the couple free ones that I have been doing the last year. My goal, which I set before the quarantine, was a half hour a day of cardio and I'm sticking to it. I also have been using my foam roller while watching the news at night. 

So there's my 3 tips for the day! Other things I am doing to pass the time are: coloring, paper crafts (right now I'm making miniature 12" scale Victorian era hat boxes), organizing, planning our garden, and making phone calls to my family.

bummers and bonuses

I keep thinking about things that I don't get to do now that we are lock down. An example? Our May the Fourth trip to Disneyland is not happening. I mean, it's crazy to think I was so close to being lucky enough to go to a Disney park for 3 years in a row (Disneyland in October 2018, Disney World in April 2019 and then Disneyland again May 2020) but, I also gotta look at the bright side of things! Now that we aren't going (FYI I'm I hoping to just reschedule or our tickets and hotel to next May the Fourth but we'll see if that happens), I can save up more money because Disney is expensive (but SOOOO worth it) and maybe if I save more money, I won't feel as guilty for doing a $200 lightsaber workshop. So; bummer: no Disney trip. bonus: I get to save more money for souvenirs. What's a bummer/bonus that you can think of?

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