Happy Easter! Today is Sunday, April 12 and this is today's daily quarantine blog post written from home while I social distance during the coronavirus pandemic.
I feel as though I have this fog around me today. Like a filmy covering of sleepy nothingness is clinging to me. Kind of a blah feeling, with nervousness and exhaustion. I asked Eddie if he felt it as well and he agreed it's a blah kinda day. Perhaps, we wondered, we weren't getting enough exercise? I agreed in the last couple days since Bean came home that we've done more down time with her. but, we have still been going for our walks. Honestly? Since this shelter at home situation has started, I am getting more exercise than ever. Even without doing a couple of shifts at the shop downtown. and I'm still eating pretty decently. Sure we've ordered pizza and jimmy johns but also have been having a lot of fruits, vegetables and salads. I've been watching my caffeine intake but also drinking a lot of green teas and herbal teas. I should be feeling pretty damn good. So, why do I feel like I have an emotional dump truck on my back? Was it because I ate french toast sticks for breakfast 4 days in a row last week? (in my defense it was a small amount and paired with a banana) I do feel a little bit of my allergies coming back but it shouldn't be causing the red bags under my eyes. or this daily nauseous slump I deal with or my puffy face. Eddie said he noticed his eyes felt baggier too.
Well, the CDC says, "duh...pandemics are awful! You are stressed out!" and also explains how this affects your mental and emotional health. and I kinda have to agree with that. Even though we are absolutely ridiculously blessed to be on the best side of everything during this awful time. We are holding on financially, we have our health, we don't need to care for children or elderly, and we have an amazing home and neighborhood to hunker down in and also have a very supportive community and support system. There's no doubt that we are very fortunate right now to not be directly touched by this tragedy, yet, so why is it still so draining and hard on us? I'm guessing it's because of a the influx of changing outlooks and perspectives of what our future holds. It's changing every single day lately. A lot of us are really into our routine because it works for us. I like to know what to expect the next day and the day after that. Routines are comforting. Also, someone like me who gets hung up on all the suffering in the world and concerned for all creatures big and small, I feel a connection to that. Like, I know there is a lot of suffering happening right now and it creates a psychic storm cloud. Not to sound too woo-woo.
I have been able to keep somewhat of a new routine, although it's nothing like the one I had before. I also have lost that routine I was used to when caring for Peanut. So I feel pretty out of touch with what exactly I am supposed to be doing with my time. I see plenty of online content showing me how creative they are getting and I'm wondering where my creative bug is? I have been so not inspired lately. It's true. I feel too emotionally exhausted. I've been making little paper models of hat boxes for my dollhouse/miniatures collection. I've been trying so hard to be inspired to make more cards for birthdays, etc. My craft room is getting to peak organisation mode and everything is easy to access and I have plenty of room. but I feel like a deflated balloon. I really just don't want this to be depression knocking back on my door but I think it may be and I gotta remember that that's OK. I need to embrace it.
So, first of all, thank you so very much for allowing me to vent today. Not the cheery Easter post I expected. However, I give us a pat on the back for going for a nice long walk today and getting off the couch and get moving. We also started a bunch of plants indoors that we will later move to our garden. but I want to know, are you feeling drained too during this time? How is it directly affecting your energy level? Do you feel like you are thriving? Is it triggering your depression? Please send me a little message on on here or facebook or instagram, whatever you're comfortable with. Enjoy the rest of your day and I'll see you back here tomorrow!
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