I think I triggered myself a little bit yesterday by posting that poem about Peanut! Oops! After publishing this blog yesterday, I decided to scan the pages from the diary I wrote the poem in, along with some other photos of Peanut. When we had Peanut cremated, they also made some special nose prints for us. I haven't shared them yet online, but I'll share one with you guys. It's so very special to me. I had such a hard time yesterday. Cried a lot. That will happen. This is a judgement free zone and we can be responsibly sad if we want to! but note how I said responsibly. I thought when Peanut passed away, I would spend a lot of time crying myself to sleep. I have cried a lot, don't get me wrong. but I don't let myself cry until I exhaust myself to sleep. It's just something I can't let myself do. I have to put a clear ending to the tears and do something positive afterwards. Do you have a stopping point for your tears or sadness? I recommend making a deal with yourself to grieve or cry or sob or scream for a certain amount of time but also allow yourself to move on with your day. It takes a lot of practice. Yesterday, when I felt like my sadness was starting to make me feel delirious, and I felt a feeling of dread and panic attacks coming on, I forced myself to throw on a pair of my comfy ugg boots and my coat and went outside. My panic attacks we're trying to make me think I was having a problem breathing or maybe my heart was beating too fast. Panic always try to convince I'm dying and I know better then to listen to it. The panic tries to tell me I need to sit down or crawl into bed, but I didn't listen and went outside. I breathed in the fresh cold air. I felt the ground and the grass with my hands. I refilled my bird feeders. I checked our mail and rummaged around in our garage. Just little activities to keep my mind busy. I knew if I stayed inside, I would continue to be triggered to cry and getting my mind off of it for 10 minutes allowed me to come back inside and see things fresh. Just as importantly, I also allowed myself to grieve responsibly. I scanned photos and worked in my pet-loss journal and wrote a note to Peanut in my diary. I call this "constructive grief". For today's blog, I thought I'd share some ideas to do when you're unbearably sad or scared and/or can't stop crying. Please note I try to come up with more ideas than just the go-to "eXeRsIzE and MeDiTaTe". I can't tell you how many times in the past I wanted to punch something because when people hear you are sad, sick, depressed etc, they say "just exercise! you'll feel better!". Yes, of course exercise helps! I do it everyday! However, there were many years when I definitely wasn't physically fit enough or comfortable enough to just throw on sneakers and start running. I try to stay conscious about that.
- "Constructive grief" as I mentioned earlier. If you're sad about losing a loved one, look at photos or work on a scrapbook.
- Grab a pen and WRITE. Write about what is upsetting you for 7 seconds and then write about things that make you happy for 17 seconds.
- Go outside and touch things in nature (not wild animals lol)
- Often anger is tangled up with sadness, so you may be surprised by how much anger you have to get out before you can cry or after you cry. A previous therapist taught me to beat on my mattress with a tennis racket. It helps immensely to let feelings out.
- The internet can be toxic, but there are thousands of online support groups for anything and everything. Try googling web-based support groups and even if you are not ready to join in the conversation, try reading what other people are saying. It can help.
- Watch Disney movies, or silly upbeat cartoons. Maybe a tv show you enjoyed as a child.
- Change into comfy clothes and make a cup of tea.
- Tell yourself to take a time out and distract yourself for at least 10 minutes, and if you still need to cry or be sad then take it from there. but you'd be surprised how much better we can feel in just ten minutes!
- Stop. Out loud or in your head, list one thing you can see, smell, touch/feel, and hear. Example: right now I can see my bird's cage, I can smell my cup of tea brewing, I can feel the hard chair under my butt and the soft rug on my feet, and I can hear the television and my bird singing.
- Call a friend or family member, whomever, and ask if you can take 10 minutes of their time to cry and talk to them. It may be harder than ever to find someone who isn't already struggling with something, so if you tell them you just need 10 minutes then that person knows they can listen and be attentive for a small amount of time without it interrupting their day or mood.
I truly hope these ideas help you in this hard time. I'm getting more messages and feedback from my readers than ever and I absolutely LOVE IT! Please, never hesitate to message me in any capacity and also please share this blog on your social media because we all could use a mental health boost right now. I hope you are having a productive day and I'll see you back here tomorrow!
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| Little Peanut's nose print |
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