Have you ever heard someone say that they wish they could live in a different era? Have you ever met someone who was "before their time" or has an "old soul?". What I'm trying to get it is that some of us human beings feel like we are too sensitive to handle all of the evils that occur in our world and wonder how the rest of society copes. I'm one of them. I haven't lost all hope or anything. but I do dwell on how I can even go on when atrocities happen to other living and breathing beings on our planet. Animals, bugs all critters really, and yes, human beings too. I know I'm not alone in this. When I describe this state of mind to others, I don't know whether I should associate it with being an "empath", or it it's part of being a Pisces or just telling them the truth which is I don't know why others, and myself, feel this way other than perhaps its associated to mental illness, especially anxiety and depression.
If you're reading this thinking, "I had no clue other people felt this way and actually talked about this!" or if you're not not getting my gist, I got you either way. Here's a list of things that can help you cope with these feelings of being out of control in your own world. Another way to phrase this is HSP, which stands for Highly Sensitive Person. HSP's process information deeply, and as a result, they experience the world a little differently than non-HSPs. Examples of behaviors include being startled easily by loud noises, feeling overwhelmed in bright lights, tossed in the waves of a busy schedule or, like I have countless times, had your day ruined by witnessing, reading about or discovering a situation where innocent animals or people have been hurt. You may think, "Doesn't everyone sort of feel these things?". Yes they do, but for example a medical doctor can treat a victim of violence with out breaking down over the fact that someone got hurt or a therapist who can work with fellow sufferer's of eating disorders and not be triggered to a relapse. Anyway, on to the coping skills!
- You need to keep your schedule buffered to allow for extra time in your day for resting and processing. If you have noticed that burn-outs seem to be a recurrence for you and you have lost jobs, failed classes or broke off relationships because of it (guilty!) then you need to plan for extra time for yourself. For example, if you need to work extra hours because you are saving up for something, realize that you can't just collect every extra duty or shift thrown your way and allow extra time to save up money. Don't forget that as an HSP, you'll need extra time to adjust to changes and to process hardships. If you don't over-load yourself, you may find that you can sustain quite a successful life.
- This extra buffering time you give yourself also allows for more rest. Specifically sleep. I know what it's like to never want to sleep because life is just so fun that you don't want to miss a minute. I also know what it's like to lay in bed all day and night for a week at a time. Let me tell you, sleep is the base I need to stay steady. My sweet spot is 10 hours. I realize that being able to sleep that much is a luxury. It absolutely is. but I built my life in such a way so that I can get the sleep I need to be present and at my best every single day. I could have a completely different life if I would've just realized that when I was 25 instead of abiding by YOLO and "you can sleep when your dead!".
- No drama llama. HSPs have an especially hard time dealing with conflicts in relationships. No one likes to fight or argue with a person who is close to you, but for an HSP, a fight or disagreement can put an entire life on hold until it's resolved. Unfortunately, we can't seem to move on once someone has raised their voice or said mean things to us. HSPs need a calm and patient way to sort out conflicts. A person yelling into our face can be overstimulating and cause irrational fear.
- Be creative! There are many HSPs who have a strong desire to create. We have a way of channeling our insight and day-to-day life into our art. The way we observe things may boggle the mind of others and can be explained in writing or painting. We need a creative outlet! Make one for yourself! If you are another HSP like me who is desperate to help the BLM movement but isn't comfortable traveling to locations or participating in public protests, use your creativity to come up with a new way to participate. I created a wealth of greeting cards, my favorite craft to make, during the quarantine but I couldn't quite motivate myself enough to photograph them and list them on my etsy store. When I saw the murder of George Floyd, and felt called to action like so many of us did, I felt motivated to get those things listed on line for sale so that I can donate more money! As a very privileged white woman, I have nothing but time and money to give to others and it's absolutely what I should be doing every single day.
- Be in nature and surround yourself with beauty. We can't be Martha Stewart in a million dollar sunny garden wearing matching garden clogs and shears but we can make time for relaxation in nature if it means we can better deal with life. This is another one of those things where I don't know if it's because I'm an empath or a Highly Sensitive Person, but I absolutely need time in the outdoors to recharge. I just finished doing a few hours of yard work with my husband and I had to keep reminding myself, "yard work is a luxury", because it absolutely is. This is our land and our yard that we own and many people cannot afford a home with a nice yard or a home at all. Surely life isn't as hard as seems when your toting 50 pound yard waste bags up the wet grassy hill. I'm working hard for my own benefit! (a positive mental attitude, and this should go without saying, is 100% necessary for any person, HSP or not.). My point is despite my grumpiness and physical labor, I felt recharged enough to come in and sit down to write this blog! Do I have energy like that after several hours of hard work at a job? No. That's the difference. It's hard work done outside for myself. If you don't have a yard then you must find a way to get and be outside, hopefully also exercising. I wasted years of my life not realizing it was necessary for me to be out in nature, thinking I could spend all day everyday inside and still lead a good life. No. That doesn't work for me. I let being a "city girl" go too far.
These are my coping skills that I think best help me get through my life everyday. I hope these more holistic approaches might help you cope with difficulties. I also want to just share, to those of you who have been asking how work is going after my previous blog posts about going back to work during covid, everything is going great with that and I rediscovered the joy I once had by supporting small local businesses and talking with the locals and visitors. I am so happy to report that I've been able to get back out there with the help of a very patient and supportive boss and lot's of masks and hand washing. I'm looking forward to rescheduling my volunteer orientations with the local humane society and local mental health organizations! What have you been up to?
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