Under Pressure

 Hello my dearest friends and readers. I have much to catch you up on! So many things to share! I'm ok and I'm home from the hospital. Wanna know what happened? Good, because I want to tell you.

Remember my recent mask blog post? I wrote about my "maskne" and how wearing a mask for several hours a day has caused my cystic acne to flair up again. My cystic acne is normally caused by hormonal imbalance (due to my PCOS which creates a rise in androgens that cause more sebum to be produced in the skin) and for this same reason, I've been put on spironolactone before. However, it had been years since I had taken it. I was on a pretty high dose of it in my later 20s and handled it just fine. Spironolactone acts a diuretic and therefore has many uses besides obliterating acne. Some people take it for hair loss as well, which is another symptom of PCOS. In my mask blog, I wrote about how I was going to the dermatologist soon to get a handle on my cystic flareups. I promised to report back what he said! He told me to change my masks more often, every half hour if possible, and to take spironolactone. Well, that was easy. 

My faithful readers also know I've lost quite a bit of weight since moving to Michigan. My friends, the weight loss has continued and I am happy to report I've lost 70 pounds since moving to Michigan last March! So the weight loss has continued, but I was a little alarmed last week to see that I had lost 10 pounds in under a week. I can honestly say, and ask anyone who spends any amount of time with me, that I drink more water than anyone else I know. I am ALWAYS drinking water. For many reasons, mostly due to psychiatric medications and their side effects, I have chronic dry mouth. Almost every medication I take has 2 main symptoms/side effects: dry mouth and upset stomach. I'm no stranger to the later either, as an IBS sufferer my stomach hurts every. single. day. I drink tons of water so therefore I thought the dehydration monster was the least of my fears. I mean, did the side effects of starting the medication suck? Yes, absolutely. but I couldn't see the warning signs because they mimicked my anxiety and panic symptoms so well. I was so dizzy, yet dizzy spells have been affecting me since January and once consulted by my doctor, realized it was nothing to be afraid of. So I ignored the dizziness the last few weeks as I pushed through workouts and shifts at work. I felt so unlike myself. I felt like a shell. I had just had my annual exam with my primary care doctor and my goodness he was ever so proud of how wonderful my blood work was and how healthy I was! Keep up the good work he said! So I've been continuing to work hard at everything I do because I should be healthy enough to do so. I pushed through the blurry vision, the cramps in my legs, the tingling in my shoulders and back. I pushed through the panic and frustration I felt all day and all night. While working, I felt like I couldn't handle my job suddenly, like I suddenly didn't have the same energy I had all summer long. While at home, I couldn't do anything more than sit on my couch or lay in bed. Must be depression I thought to myself. My anxiety always wants to convince me that I'm dying. I try to tell it to shut up. I'm healthy. I'm NOT dying. 

Due to the symptoms I was having however, I did need to stay home from work for a small break. I had zero energy and I patiently waited for it to come back or for my depression to lift. or both. or whatever came first. Eddie always takes such good care of me and our Little Bean is learning the ropes of being my nurse kitty just as Peanut was before she passed. At this point in my story, I had only been on spironolactone for just over 8 or 9 days. There was a huge thunderstorm that day and lightening struck a huge tree in our neighbor's yard, scaring the crap out of me. I was kinda surprised we didn't lose our power. It added to the spookiness. After finishing another night of Eddie and Lindsay's Halloween horror movie marathon, we went to bed. Before falling asleep, I was reading about a women's experience in a hospital ICU and how terrifying it is to be hospitalized for days or weeks while hallucinating and drugged out of your mind. Good thing that's not happening to me, I thought, because I'm healthy. I drifted off to sleep. Never say never.

I woke up at around 2am on Monday morning with really sharp stomach pains. It jolted me out of bed and sent me stumbling to the kitchen for alcaseltzer, which has always helped in the past. I was sitting on our couch in the dark, audibly moaning in pain enough for Eddie to wake up and hear me moaning and come rushing out. The pain was as bad, or even worse, then my gallbladder stone attacks I used to get before getting my gallbladder removed. He came out and asked if I was ok. I tried to take deep breathes. My shoulders and chest felt like an electrical storm was happening. I assumed something needed to come out from somewhere so I headed towards the bathroom and that's when I lost consciences. According to Eddie who was walking behind me, I crumpled to the floor. I first hit my knees than face planted the hardwood flooring. I came too several seconds later with my face in a pile of blood and Eddie calling 911. I have never fainted or lost consciences in my life! I couldn't get up! I tried to tell him not to call for an ambulance because, even with insurance, it's too damn expensive. I'd rather die at home than take a McMillion's Mobile ride to bankruptcy land (ooh-wee! I'm bitter, aren't I?). We had a short talk between us as I lay on the floor and he tried to put shorts on with one hand and call 911 with the other. It was terrifying for us both. I'm feeling a little better, enough to get help from Eddie to stand up and put on clothes and let him drive me to emergency room. I knew I needed to be seen urgently, that wasn't a question in my mind, but I wasn't going to pay $3,000 for a 2 miles ride to the hospital unless I was in a stretch limo with champagne in an IV bag. 

The staff were tired. I was tired and terrified. I really am dying this time, I thought. I really truly am. and I tried to be strong for Eddie and stop asking the hospital staff so many questions but it was bringing back memories of a scary trip to the ER in Philadelphia that Eddie and I took in 2008, where I had to have my heart stopped twice due to panic attacks. Why did I read about ICU nightmares before bed?! They tried to stabilize me and put heart monitor electrodes all over me. I'm no stranger to that either. Member of the halter monitor club since 2007. They told me to slowly sit up. I did but the tingling came back. My blood pressure crashed my hearth rate shot up to 120bpm. Ok. I was going to be here a while. I was crying and asking the PA and nurses, "what's wrong with me? what happened? am I going to be ok?". I've been crying about how scary this was for me since I got back home. 

I ended up being hospitalized for a little over a day and night. I had to take a lot of IV fluids and potassium pills and magnesium drips. All tests began to show my electrolyte imbalances and we knew what we needed to fix. 

Folks; if I, Lindsay Loomis, who drinks more water in a day than most do in one week, can get this easily dehydrated while not working and sitting all day, from a small dose of medicine, then trust me, it can happen to any of us. I learned about syncope and hypo-tension. I was told never to take spironolactone again because obviously my body can't handle it. I've already had tons of helpful advice from caring friends and family about my acne, so please know that I also cannot take birth control or antibiotics so for now I just have to deal with extremely painful acne cysts that swell my face up. or I can just sit inside forever until the mask mandate is over with. That's not gonna happen. 

Fortunately, I understand this could have been worse on so many levels. One huge plus is that I didn't do too much damage to my face. I may still need to an xray for my nose, I feel like it might be broken. but I wasn't going to add on extra costs of X-Rays while there so I didn't say anything about the pain in my nose. It hurts to the touch and when I make any sort of face expression. It also feels kind of...numb? I feel like this ordeal earned me a black eye for bragging rights, but there was just a red welt for about a day. The bridge of my nose is fat and swollen and the inside of my lip is busted from it hitting my teeth. That's about it. Oh, and a scab on my knee as well.

Here's a head-scratcher though: covid-19 was not spoken of a single time while staying at the hospital. I came in wearing a mask and they had me take it off immediately. All staff were wearing a mask. but not patients. I won't pretend to understand how that works. Also, I kinda thought an admission to the hospital meant mandatory covid testing. Not even mentioned once! My roommate while hospitalized received a visit from her husband and neither were told to wear masks. I kept asking if they wanted me to put it on and they said no. Surely it was so I could get the correct amount of oxygen but I never really believed I wasn't getting enough oxygen while wearing one in the first place. Even when they took me on supervised walks through the hospital halls, I was told not to wear a mask. My visiting husband also wasn't told to put his mask on.  Do what you will with that information. Do you think I should quarantine for 2 weeks, just to be sure? Let me know in the comments! 

As morning turned to day inside my hospital room, the panic attacks started to fade and I got some sleep. I had one more huge panic attack last night after I got home and I thought for sure my potassium levels were still screwed up. I forced myself to go on a walk with Eddie, slowly while holding his arm. I was pretty sure that I was going to pass out again and hit the sidewalk, busting my face even more. I thought for sure I was going to die while on this walk. For real, I think that panic disorder and/or generalized anxiety disorder can be summed up in one scenario: talking yourself down from the thought that you are dying and/or going crazy. I cried so hard to my hubby and he told me to let it all out. I did. After visiting neighborhood chickens in a light autumn rain, we got home and I began to feel more like myself. Today is better. but yesterday was so bad. My depression monster kept telling me I was a loser for not being able to go to work and for passing out and forcing us to pay huge hospital bills (fingers are crossed for most things being covered by our insurance, but I'm an American so I know it's gonna be deflating all the money I saved up during my quarantine break, and then some.) This is exactly what our emergency fund is for, thanks Dave Ramsey! but I wanted to get some clothes that fit my shrinking body! (I did order these shoes though. My little treat and fall wardrobe staple.) Why am I complaining to you about clothes and money? *sigh*

So that is the gist of my adventure. I'm looking forward to updating my therapist about all of this during our appointment later on today. Thank you so much for reading this and supporting me! Every person who reads this makes a huge difference. Please feel free to share with your friends or loved ones or social media so that they can learn through my stories. and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, If you know anyone taking medication for acne, especially any women taking spironolactone, check on them and share this with them. This was an unnecessary scare and terrifying and could have been so much worse. And would you believe me if I told you I'm not the only one who experienced this? Read this article: my acne medication landed me in the ER. The woman who wrote this is a fellow PCOS "Cyster" who's story is eerily similar to mine. 

Speaking of women sticking together: I have several email addresses to send my questionnaire to regarding research for my upcoming article about the effects the quarantine/lock-down had on women's mental health. Please be patient, it's coming. If you would like to participate, please send me your email address, all information given will be confidential. email me: lindsayreneeloomis@gmail.com