Hallo-blog Day 11

 Wowowowoowow....Today I'm reviewing my next blog and it's such a good one. If you are new here to my hallo-blog, not only am I celebrating all things autumnal and spooky season related but I'm also celebrating my 5 year blog-aversary and reviewing my most popular and most read blog posts of all time. Today's is a blog I wrote in September 2017 and it's all about how feeling better terrifies me. I was ahead of my own time on this one. Let's review.

At this time in my life, I made a small pact with myself to spend 3 months concentrating on not letting my depression hold me back from my obligations. At the time, this meant 3 months of no canceled appointments, no backing out of social obligations and no bed-ridden days. I didn't even have a job outside of our home to attach to that goal. This was a pretty tall order at the time. Spoiler alert: I didn't make it. However, if it weren't for this baby step, where would I be today? I had to re-start this goal over and over again for years before I made it to where I am today. 

I talk about picking at my nails and cuticles which I still struggle with on a very scary level. My thumb nails grow crooked now because they are no longer attached to my nail bed the way they are supposed to be. (anyone else do this? I have to say that 2020 has been an absolute wreck on my nails and I don't even want to go the nail salons because I feel bad for the cosmos that have to work during a pandemic and also it takes over an hour to clean up my nails so I always feel really bad no matter how much I tip) I also enjoy how in this blog post, I break down exactly what my habits are right before I succumb to a depression relapse. This is important to recognize. I sit and avoid life by researching random science articles for hours or sometimes days. While this habit seems harmless, its the avoidance from my real life and real feelings that is so detrimental. 

Discussing growing out of my comfort zone is such a huge deal because that's exactly how I got to where I am today. That's the huge ticket for me. I think my ultimate "recovery" (in quotes because one like myself is never truly recovered from my mental illness, just different stages of how I deal with it) has everything to do with doing the hard work. Does that mean I immediately started working out 2 hours a day and got a full time job and joined a huge network of friends and social obligations? Absolutely not. It used to be that when I heard people say to step out of your comfort zone, I immediately went to the hardest problems to tackle first and gave up before I even started. but now I realize, just writing that blog post in September of 2017 was a step into the unknown. That was a good baby step! If it's hard for you to just get out of bed, that's still a step out of your comfort zone. The first steps and can seem so miniscule and may take you years but that's what progress looks like. I promise. 

I'm going to leave you with something to ponder; what habits or actions do you notice taking place before you have a relapse? Can you try to recognize them before it gets too far? Next time you notice this, do anything new that you can to stop the process. Even if that means instead of crawling back into bed, you make yourself a cup of tea, or force yourself to drink one glass of water (because hydration is always a good thing). Any little action to stop you from doing that thing over and over again that gets you to a deep dark place. 

Thank you so much for stopping by to have a cozy Sunday morning with me! This morning Eddie made a fire and we had cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Later on today we will be driving back down to the pumpkin patch and corn maze farm because the colors were just so beautiful and we need to take some good videos with our go-pro and pick up some corn stalks too! See you tomorrow!