Welcome back to my Hallo-blog! As promised, I have happier and more halloween-esque things to share today. I'll just throw in here that my allergic reaction is slowly subsiding still. My face looks and feels much better. My neck is still pretty red and tender and besides that I just have what feels like stronger than normal allergies. I did go out to a couple of stores last night with Eddie and wore the loosest mask that I have. We went to Walmart- which, I have a love hate relationship with. I hate supporting huge corporations like that when there are so many treasures to be found in all of the locally owned thrift shops and antique stores but sometimes a little retail therapy goes a long way and when my husband gives me full permission to go buck wild with cute Halloween and fall decor- well I take that chance.
After spending all day on the couch again yesterday feeling really sad and very depressed, I pulled myself out of my hole. Since I sat all day watching RuPaul's Drag Race it meant I had some energy stored up to use for a shopping excursion. However, I couldn't help but notice how quickly that depression tried to pull me down and make me so sensitive to the outside world. I'll explain; sometimes being really depressed makes one sensitive to bright lights and loud noises, kind of like a migraine. So when I try to face crowds or loud noises or the bright sunlight, which I normally enjoy or at least happily tolerate all of these, it becomes too much to bear. I become irritable and I want to run. I feel like I'm inside trapped and looking out through the eyes of a overly sensitive monster. It's a strange experience to not feel like yourself. To truly have to push through minutes, hours or days living a life with a brain that makes things harder to deal with. I began to feel slowly more like myself and also realized how scary it is that I can be quickly pulled into a true depression relapse. My senses already becoming overly heightened. My self-esteem careening off of a cliff. My mind racing thoughts about what others think of me. The thoughts crashing into one another. The dust settling and me just trying to understand what is happening. Even today my energy isn't back 100%. I'm still quick to think poorly of myself or my actions. I have made definite progress though. It's also important for me to remember that there are factors outside of me causing me to feel this way so quickly and easily when normally I'm getting better at fighting it off. When a person with mental illness get's sick or has other stressful events, the mental illness uses this chance to find it's way in. Don't let it win. Keep fighting that good fight my mental health warriors!
Tonight we are carving pumpkins and I'm hoping by the end of tomorrow my antibiotic allergy will be completely out of my system! Happy Saturday my loves! See you back here tomorrow! (I put a photo at the bottom of my Walmart shopping haul but you can see much more on my insta stories!)
 |
| A Walmart shopping haul. The napkins that say "I'm deceased!" are the best! |
Comments
Post a Comment