Hello everyone!
I'm coming to you live from the couch that I've become one with today. I'm having one of those sleepy autumn days. The kinda days when it is dawning on you that the sun is not out as much and you're losing your extra energy and are a little bit too chilled to move and disturb the fabric of clothing and blankets around you that have sustained your heat thus far. The wind bites your face and your eyes and nose leak. Your hands are cold and chapped. The animals busy outside preparing for winter and what are you doing? A whole lot of nothing. but maybe I should give myself more credit, though? Instead of being frightened that it's depression maybe I can just accept that it indeed is depression and just focus on getting out of the house for work each day instead of trying to be the princess of perfection that I like to think I am.
Lately, Eddie and I have been doing what I like to call the hard work. There's lots of different kinds of hard work. In particular right now I am referring to the conversations and making of plans that no one hopes to utilize. As a funeral director, he sees every day what happens when you don't plan for what inevitably happens to us all. At some point, each of us passes and no one gets to know when. The last thing we ever want to worry about is money and what documents are where. So several weeks ago we made an appointment with our lawyer and have our estate planning started. We have consulted with our next of kin who have agreed to take on these awful tasks in the event that we both go at the same time. What an awful thing for our mothers to deal with. but even worse would be no guidance whatsoever. We have our life insurance set up and today was the appointment at our bank to set up our beneficiary so that our funds can go to the right people and places. So...maybe this was taking more energy than what I had appropriated.
After our bank appointment we had lunch at a cute little favorite café of ours downtown. Then picked up some specially ordered boots from a clothing store for Eddie. I came home with high hopes of doing an entire photo shoot for my holiday cards this year. yeahhh righttt. I wasn't in any mood to fish out Christmas props from the basement while Halloween is still on full display up here. To those of you wondering, I'm hoping to soon debut special edition holiday cards that I will sell this season on my etsy shop. My pin-up girl cards have been a favorite among family and friends for over a decade now and it's time I let the world at large have access to them at last to share with others. (here's a super fun blog I posted in November of 2017 about my yearly tradition of holiday card making and some examples from through out the years!) I've been working like mad since July to make enough to sell a fairly large quantity. Fingers are double triple crossed! and on top of that, I'm also thinking about what cards I'm going to make that I'll personally be sending out this year. All of my family's holiday plans are set and dates have been chosen and wish lists have been exchanged. Despite it still being relatively early in the season, we are ready already. I think, and I've said this many times recently, that we are all just so ready to celebrate anything. I've also been working on buying a couple of things from local retailers here and there downtown and have most of my shopping done already!
So maybe I'll get around to working on my etsy holiday collection today or maybe I won't. I'm just trying to be nice to myself. We all really need to be working on being nice to ourselves because if the internet is any indication of how we really feel about each other, then we may need to give ourselves some loving kindness that's not coming from others. I worry about moms so much right now. and kids. and our elders tucked away and lonely in nursing homes. and our caregivers. and as always I worry so much about our pets that are in danger as we lose our homes or can't pay rent. Who has energy to worry about it all?! *sigh* all I can do is go forward with the main goal of my entire existence and that is to make mental illness stigma free. If you had to narrow down your activism to one main goal in order to save your own energy but also make a difference, what would it be? Maybe just put it out there into the universe and God willing, you will get the extra boost you need to help others. Or maybe just try and do a really good job of taking care of yourself. No day that you've gotten out of bed and breathed in and out and survived until bedtime is wasted. It's all worthy. You are so strong and brave. Please keep going.
xo,
Lindsay Loomis
P.S. who else is outrageously excited for AG6 aka Positions?!?
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