Hallo-blog Day 26

 Hey Boo's. I'm having such an anxious Monday. I feel like my Sunday Scaries came late this week because I have a Monday off for the first time in months. I mean, ok...if you have depression/anxiety then maybe you've noticed how like when you go to bed you may have an inkling of how the next day will be symptom wise. I knew that after having such a relaxing day with Eddie, he truly is my everything, that I would be feeling anxious and lonesome without him. It's just how I am because I am so obsessed with him and addicted to the warmth and kindness that his love wraps me in. So I had my telemedicine therapy today and yeah my therapist has noticed how good I am doing. I really am doing it all right?? but I'm still feeling this illness more days than not and that's real life. True living for me is living with mental illness and recognizing symptoms and trying to figure out if they are something more than what they seem.

Uhg...sorry I just fee like I'm blabbing today. Trying to get my mind focused and get my mind right. Today is my last day of super high steroids dosage and I'm kinda afraid that I am going to "crash" after not taking these anymore. I don't care as much if a red rash comes back but I don't want to feel anymore tired or drowsy than I already feel this time of year and I keep reading about steroid crashing online. (this site is triggering me right now fr) I really don't want to feel anymore pain or symptoms. I'm so worried for everyone on top of it all. The covid numbers are rising everywhere and even up here in our own cozy small town the numbers are growing and I'm just...conflicted on how we are all supposed to react on a daily basis. 

I know there's so many stressors right now you guys, it's ok. I'm here for you. and I know you are here with me. I know not everyone gets why I blog everyday or why I share every single thing in my life with my community of readers but for me it's my life and it's my true calling and I am never going to stop. I wanted to do a good cardio workout today to help with my anxiety but I just wanted to hop on here and talk to you guys first. It's giving me hope that at least I have you guys to talk to everyday this week as we prepare for a stressful time of rising covid struggles and anxiety about our presidential election. I just keep trying to write and find the dreamiest chords to strum on my guitar and light some scented candles and try to day dream as much as possible. oh and who can forget petting Bean and cuddling Eddie. 

I feel like dropping all of the pressure that I'm putting on myself to be perfect this holiday season and to get these pin-up girl holiday cards ready. It's super stressful to know I'm putting so much hard work into something and they could literally just sit there for months and no one may buy a single one. but that's the risk you take when you put yourself out there! I've never been the type of person who wants to rely on money and a career working for someone else. and my goal has always been to work for myself and make my own rules so I think all of these risks I take are worth it because then how would I ever know??

Thank you so much for joining me here today in our comfort and safety zone. Please reach out to me in any way that you are comfortable with. I just want to be good friends with all of you and take care of each other :) 

are you sick of my overalls yet?!