I just want to start off today's post by acknowledging how hard life is right now for most of us. I know things are hard for most of you for so many reasons. Whether you are working a job but it's hard because it's a pandemic, or you lost your job, or are about to lose your unemployment. I know many of us are missing family members, grieving deaths of loved one's and pets. We are struggling to afford health care and Christmas gifts. I know many of you have depression and severe anxiety that is currently out of control right now. I know it's hard. I'm going through it too. It's always hard for me to figure out how to balance the acknowledgment of hardships without flaunting my privilege or being too negative. I want this safe place for us to be a balance of everything. When I make a post that is all super happy and positive, just know that that is not the only thing I'm feeling or going through that day. Same for when I post about a particular bad patch in my life, it doesn't mean that there's not also moments of calm and beauty that I am appreciative of. When I post links to things to shop for or deals from Amazon, it doesn't mean that you have to shop to be happy. I'm actually very against the consumerism in this country and how our economy is based on how much we shop and how much shit we buy from companies that don't do a damn thing for us. I acknowledge that. I wish I didn't have to rely on large corporations to make money. Please know, I'm always doing my best to work around that and eventually my goal is to be sustainable on my own without the help of certain billionaires (ahem). For the time being, I need to make enough money to support my family and I hope that by being transparent on how I'm doing all of this, I can help you as well.
Maybe you are someone like me who is too mentally unstable to have long term, full time employment. If you are, I feel you boo. There is nothing wrong with you if you cannot force yourself to do a really hard job that you hate. I can't tell you how many times I have felt stupid or "not good enough" because I couldn't stand working a job for $11 an hour/or more/or less but couldn't do it without feeling miserable because my boss or co-workers treated me like shit. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. but it's not me. It's the job. It's the toxic people. It's the unlivable wage. It's the lack of thoughtful and strong leadership. or maybe the job and the people are mostly nice and mean well, and let's face it most people do mean well and are not inherently bad. but truthfully, I just don't have the mental capacity to fight with my own illness and work hard for someone else's business at the same time. I can do it part time! or a few days a week! for smaller amounts of time! but a full time job for a business that is not my own is just not in the cards for me. and not having to work full time doing is a PRIVILEDGE. Honest to God, I am able to stay away from these situations that make my life unlivable specifically because I am a white, middle-class woman who came from a good family and education and married a really sweet and amazing man who supports me. Add to that the fact that we don't have children and you have recipe for "success". I put success in quotes because yes I am privileged and get along ok but I have lot of mental illness issues, trust issues, health problems, infertility and a whole lot of baggage. It is what it is and I gotta make the most of it. Just like you gotta make the most most of what you have as well.
Sometimes we have to buckle down and take that Dave Ramsey course so that we can stop sabotaging ourselves with debt. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and go to therapy for that really hard trauma we had or drag our loved ones into therapy with us so that we can simply get along. Sometimes we gotta do the workouts that are so hard that we cry. Sometimes we need to pull ourselves out of bed despite the physical and mental pain. Sometimes we need to take on jobs that really suck just to make ends meet.
but this is not a "boot straps" mentality that I'm trying to push here. In fact, I can't stand that type of talk. The "if you just's":
- "If you just lose weight, you'll feel better".
- "If you just eat healthy, you won't be so depressed".
- "If you just have kids and a family, you'll find meaning in life."
- "If you just date that person, you'll be less lonely".
- "If you just stay inside all day everyday, then no one can hurt you."
Do me a favor and do one single thing today for you. For added benefit, make it a hard thing. If you haven't left the house in a minute, pull on your slippers and coat and step outside take one huge deep breath. Go to your local health food store and grab an item with probiotics to help your mental health gut. (btw, speaking of health food stores and things that help mental health, I recently started taking magnesium supplements and WOW. I'm wondering what took me so long! Here's the exact brand and dosage I bought and if you have the money do yourself a favor and get these for your anxiety). Start a savings fund in a can with coins you find around your house. Put on some Christmas music. Do some yoga. Brush your hair. Wash your face. Just do one stupid hard thing no matter how much you are dissolving in misery. I promise that it will be a step in the right direction.
The hard thing I am going to do today is workout despite my sore muscles and lack of sleep. I'll be there with you, doing the stupid hard thing that I hate. I promise. Please check in with me on social media, or email or through this blog. Always feel free to reach out to me in any capacity. I love you so much. I hope you feel a big virtual hug from this blog and that it keeps you going. I promise to you that I'll be back here tomorrow and we can check in on each other. I'll be your friend. <3
Very good blog Lindsay makes me motivated 👍
ReplyDeleteI'm so very pleased that it made you feel good!
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