Hello fellow anxious mental health warriors. Today I want to talk more about anxiety, panic disorders and panic attacks. I had a really bad patch of constant panic attacks late 2007 through the middle of 2008 and unfortunately, it seems the panic attack phase of my life has begun again. I had a really nice break though! Even my darkest, most depressed and over-weight and out-of-shape years were virtually panic attack free. It seems wrong that after I lose 70 pounds get to the healthiest point of my adult life that they start back up and make me feel like something is wrong. Because it feels so wrong! It feels like something is wrong with your heart and lungs. but I know there is nothing wrong. I literally just had my billionth ECG done recently when I was hospitalized in August for dehydration. Yes, my heart rate is higher than normal. My resting heart rate today, for example, is 80bpm when normally it's 65-67bpm. and my blood pressure is sometimes a litter higher than normal lately. (side bar: yes we keep a blood pressure cuff at our house because an very anxious girl **me** lives here and I'm always paranoid about my health but also we recently had a nurse visit us to take all of my health information for my life insurance. always be prepared folks. there's a pandemic and yes most of us will survive but you really should have money and documents set aside for your loved ones when your time comes. Whether that's sooner or later.)
Last night, I had to wake Eddie up again. I hate doing that. He is so exhausted. and so am I. but when your heart is racing at 140bpm while laying down, you just can't help the actions you take sometimes. I know I've had many moments this year, especially after Peanut died, that I felt my heart racing and needed to stop and take a break and it calmed down immediately. Now it seems the attacks are back so strongly and fiercely that it takes some doing for them to stop. Trying to fall asleep when your heart is racing feels like you are dying. I want to escape into that black dark bliss. I knew the anxiety has been really high lately, due to many reasons. but it seems like 2020 has finally found it's way into nervous system. Now fight or flight adrenaline train has started and can't stop.
Who remembers back in January when I had to go to the doctor for an urgent appointment for dizziness. Turns out, it's a form of panic attack Well, now I'm getting the old fashioned version of it. Straight up heart racing terror. Last night's lasted about a half hour. It's like you want to run away but you can't because you are so very dizzy and when you take the medication to calm you down, it feels like you are sort of floating away into the darkness.
I want to start a panic attack support group of sorts. but right now our life is so busy with other things. I have started a new employment opportunity. I get to work with my husband and it's in the mortuary business but that's all the information I'll give for now. lol not trying to be secretive but there are so many new exciting plans in the works right now! I know I caught you guys up recently about my anxiety about working and having to quit my job at the cute little shop down town. Which I do miss but not really at the same time. I loved that job but during a pandemic, not so much. I hate not having control over how close people get and not being able to tell them to wear their mask correctly because you are trying to sell them things and talk to them about local artists, not be their parents and keep correcting their mask hygiene. *sigh* I know we are ALL dealing with changes in real life due to this.
Despite being "busy" (how busy can you be during a pandemic really though when you are home all the time lol) I still want to create time and space to talk about anxiety and symptoms and panic. What sort of new anxiety symptoms are you experiencing? Anything? Faster hard rate? Harder to breathe? Racing thoughts? Let's normalize being open and honest about how we are feeling and what 2020 has done to us long-term stress wise. Although I don't want to dwell on what we are feeling necessarily...like I don't want to focus on these symptoms and make them worse. but if we can relate to one another and think "gee ok, I'm just feeling the same stressed out factors that everyone else. I'm fine". Just things like that. Let me know in the comments or email me lindsayreneeloomis@gmail.com. Also feel free to reach out to me on instagram and facebook. I really want to hear from you guys and what you are experiencing and what you are doing to help yourself. This time I feel like I am reaching out to you guys for more help and ideas.
Here's some of the tips and tricks I've learned for panic attacks so far:
- holding ice cubes acts as a good distraction
- deep breathes (even though it's really hard. especially lately I've noticed the deep breathes are really hard to take because all of my muscles are clenched)
- Last night working on relaxing each part of my body starting from the feet up helped me a lot
- Time. Uhg. This one is the worst part. Sometimes you just have to wait for the panic to pass and it's all a chemical reaction so you just have to wait for your nervous system to realize there is nothing wrong and to stop freaking out. Not only does it take time for the panic attack to subside but now that I am experiencing them back to back and every day, I'm already triggered and it's going to take time for my whole system to relax again. I hope that makes sense.
- Cutting down on caffeine. To avoid headaches I am switching to low caffeine tea for now instead of my morning coffee. I am also completely taking THC out of my daily life (so sad about that). Normally medical marijuana is godsent to me and it has really helped me a lot. Every single day. However, I do know that there are times when my love of weed, especially my favorite sativa strains, are not conducive to my anxiety. I haven't had any of my medical marijuana "gummies" nor have I been smoking for the last couple weeks. I am currently only having my CBD oil and CBD cinnamon flavored vape pen.
- Watch these live cams of relaxing kittens sleeping and playing. These live feeds have helped me so much!
- I recently started taking these magnesium supplements and the science behind how much it helps can't be ignored.
- I used to take pharma-gabba for anxiety and I just ordered these little guys in hopes of them helping me. They helped before!
- I also just had my anxiety medication dosage upped so I'm waiting patiently for that to kick in.
Here's a really good article with some more tips and tricks. My plan for tonight is to smell my lavender essential oil, sit in a low light room reading a book to distract myself, and maybe put on a Disney movie like Fantasia to try and zone out too. I can't just lay there existing in this altered reality where I think I'm dying. I can't stay in that place anymore.
I gotta say that it always helps to make sure you see your doctor regularly and double check that noting indeed is wrong with your heart. I've had that proven to me time and time again. I'm healthy because I get checked out so that's a good place too start. but also I know that our health care workers are tired right now, and that's an understatement. I don't want to bother them with my neurotic worries. Not that panic attacks aren't serious or shouldn't be taken seriously but when you are a seasoned veteran like me, and even I am getting duped by the panic attack monster, you begin to learn after a while that you are fine and it's going to be alright.
Say it with me, "It's going to be alright". See you tomorrow!
PS just adding before I post this today that last night I was panic attack free! I'm so happy! I got some much needed sleep! I did sleep through my planned morning meditation with my boo Siena and oryana
however I am loving how glowy and happy my skin and face looks because of the good nights sleep and how good I feel inside. Plus, I can join in via the recording of the meditation from this morning. :)
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