Boy, this time of year sure can be hard. I'm just having a hard time with depression constantly trying to push it's way through. If it's not soaring anxiety and panic attacks, then it's the depression monster telling me I am not good enough. So, I'm just really struggling with that today.
I did make a really big batch of colorful salsa. I learned while studying nutrition in college that you should eat a rainbow everyday. I think today I'll share my special salsa recipe. It's loaded with lots of beans and veggies. Did you know that red peppers have more vitamin C than oranges? That's right! 1 cup of red bell peppers contains as much vitamin C as 3 oranges. If you are feeling a little under the weather or need a colorful pick me up- give this salsa salad a try!
Lindsay's Salsa Salad
half white onion diced
5 large tomatoes diced
1 yellow, green, orange and red bell pepper diced
2 cans of corn (rinse in colander)
2 cans of black beans (rinsed in colander)
fresh cilantro to taste
ground cumin to taste
I like to make shredded chicken nachos in the oven and then pour this salad over the nachos. So good! What healthy snacks do you like to make around the holidays?
I'm trying hard to get through this depression right now so I'm sorry if I don't have too much to say. Last night we went on another wonderful Christmas light walk in our neighborhood and I was thinking about Peanut being up in the sky dancing with the northern lights. I miss her so much. Our first holidays without her. Even so, I feel like it isn't even the same world anymore that she existed in with us. It's definitely not the same life. She left us right as the lockdown started in March. It's just so different now. I don't think she'd even recognize it.
I wanted to feel more like myself and put on makeup and get dressed up. I really want to cheer up Eddie's day because I know how hard he is working. Working a full time job (which is currently super busy) while trying to start your own business and doing a side gig as well....whew! What a life we chose right now! What a crazy time! I guess it's ok to feel exhausted because *gestures broadly to the world. but I don't like how down on myself I'm feeling. I've been having to work double-triple-hard to even be functioning the last several weeks.
I just emailed my Momma and made an analogy that makes a lot of sense to me. So, lately I've been feeling like I'm on a violent ride or going through severe turbulence. It just feels dangerous and scary. However, I remember growing up, I hated roller coasters and was terrified of them. I really didn't give them a chance until the last couple of years. I'm a huge Disney fanatic, this we know. (God! I miss Disney so much!) Anyway, I wanted to experience the rides so badly so I had to get over my fear. I learned to view the rides as fun instead of turbulent, violent and scary. I think that's what I need to do right now. I need to view this part of life as a fun "ride" and yes it's scary and my adrenaline is pumping (panic attacks) but it's also a lot of new experiences that will be worth it in the end! So maybe...if I just keep reminding myself of that Disney analogy, I'll stop feeling like shit for being scared and embrace the scariness. So there's a new coping skill I just invented.
Tonight I know that Eddie will help me get out of the house and we'll go for a drive and see more Christmas lights and nature and I love looking at the bay and remember why we live here. It's so beautiful. Thank you for being here with me in the scary time. Just know that this is a safe place for us both. You and me can stay in here, in this safe place and ride out the storm. We'll try to have fun while we are at it!
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