Hello friends! Merry Christmas to you! I'm thinking today is as good a day as ever to post my very first vlog! If you are at home today instead of with family or friends and want to just hang out with me at home, then today is your lucky day! lol! My "vlogging camera" is not very high quality and there's a lot I have to learn about editing but I just wanted to post this for my blog readers in the hopes of being there for you when you need some company. I'm not with family today either. I am with Eddie of course. and Bean. but this was to be my first year that I could be home again with my family on Christmas day and Christmas Eve but due to covid, that's not a go. Last Christmas, I believe Eddie was working and I think I also worked the day after Christmas. This Christmas falls on a weekend that Eddie has off and I'm not in retail hell anymore so we totally have the availability! but since Eddie and I still haven't officially had covid yet, unlike most of my family, we're not risking it and staying home. I also would hate to get in a car wreck while traveling and have to burden our already stretched-thin health care workers. Imagine showing up in the emergency room from a car wreck and presents thrown all over the road after the health care workers have been BEGGING us to stay the f@ck home. If I'm going to the ER after a car accident, I want it to be because we were on our way to a home for a first call or on our way to the morgue with a body (in other words, providing a service for our community), not because we were living life as if there's no pandemic. Does that make sense? Anyway....
I'm currently editing this video right now, and you guys, this is so freaking hard. I made some videos of a Disney vacation with my Momma last year as a thank you gift and I used Eddie's adobe video editor and I had him there the whole time to help me but it was still really hard. Now, he only has the adobe premier software on his computer and although he told me I was welcome to use it, I wanted to do it on my own. I also thought it would be much easier to use my computer since I'm on it all the time anyway. So I downloaded this free video editing software called shotcut. Not only am I dealing with pretty low quality image/audio but I've got this free software but I'm making it work! There's lots of nervous laughter and aggravations and eye rolling over here!
So, during this editing process...I'm realizing that I just somehow lost entire first 3 quarters of the videos I made! Argh! I'm not giving up thought. I think I'm just going to post the last quarter of what I created. It's me making Victorian orange crafts. The first parts of the video is me making my orange clove ornaments. The part I was able to salvage thus far is me slicing oranges for the orange garland and I'm just praying that I am able to export it to youtube safely. My God this is hard.
Of course I'm super insecure about every single thing from how I look to and sound to how my house looks. So just be gentle on me. I kinda feel like I'm losing my mind over here currently. One minute I think I'm doing fine and the next I realized I never took my pills this morning, or I'm still in pajamas at 2pm or I'm completely forgetting things happening in the lives of other people. At one part of my day I'm dealing with families who just lost loved ones or picking up a poor soul who died alone do to drugs or alcohol and the other part of my day I'm doing what I sometimes consider selfish or vein activities like doing glam makeup and taking selfies. I know in my heart that I am still doing all of the things I want to be doing but it's like two halves of myself finally coming together. Doing work that actually helps my community but also pushing my own agenda and working on my own personal goals. And sometimes I feel really strong and on top of it and making my dreams come true and then other times, in the same day even, I'm crumpled in ball of panic and dread having severe panic attacks and begging God to get me through it.
I've got the video posted and ready to share! It starts abruptly because I lost most of the video while editing and I didn't feel like doing a beginning title or anything like that. Here it is! Be sure to like and subscribe as I already have another one in the editing process! I promise they'll get better. Merry Christmas to all of my fellow mental health warriors. I'm so proud of you. I'll see you back here tomorrow for Yule Blog Day 26!
Comments
Post a Comment