I'm sitting here in the dark of my home late at night...ok it's 11:40pm. Late for us at least. The humidifier is running with the humming of the furnace and my cat is batting a spring toy around the wood floors. I'm so relaxed..yet elated..because I've just talked myself down from yet another panic attack. That's another attack that I didn't let breakthrough the surface. I stopped it in it's path. I'm blocking the bad juju at last. My anxiety is coming full circle and I am going to turn it into art. I'm feeling inspired to finally start writing down all of the topics that I've been thinking about.
I just posted this blog which discusses my desire to explore how positive sexual health is conducive to positive mental health and asked for your input and questions via my contact form in my website and I'm super excited about the feedback I'm already getting! This is going to be so much fun! Keep writing me you guys!
I've discussed eating disorders on this blog before and think it's also important to bring up body positivity. Many, or it seems most, women my age are experiencing a beautiful renaissance as their bodies are able to make and produce babies and due to my infertility, that's not happening for me. So many reasons why this is isn't fair but I think I should be able to love my body just as much as if it could make a baby. I am always looking for more ways to embrace myself and my beauty inside and out. I recently filmed a vlog on my favorite cozy lingerie looks that like to bring with me when I spend a romantic night with my husband. You can watch that here. I hope to do more lingerie looks and comfy ideas ideas this year as well. Ever since Eddie and I started, and sort of ended, our fertility journey in 2018 I've felt more appreciation for my body and acceptance than ever before. I want to continue down this road of body positivity as best as I can.
As you guys know, I've struggled a lot with anxiety from the pandemic, uncertainties with jobs and health insurance and starting last November, countless panic attacks. Those of you who suffer from panic disorder know how terrifying and paralyzing panic attacks are. I have some ideas about connections to PTSD that may be conducive to these episodes but I'll get into that in another blog post. Right before the pandemic started and closed everything down, Eddie and I were in the process of finding a local church to call home. We will continue that search when we are able but for now I am working on daily devotionals from home. I embrace many types of spirituality but at my core I am Christian and find the teachings of Jesus and basic stories from the bible comforting and also lend me strength. I hope to sprinkle in what I have found that helps me here and there without offending anyone. This book in particular has been really helpful for me to turn to and focus on when I am actively having panic attacks. I literally just turn to any page and right there in basic language are little bits of comforts and joy. I also enjoy using this book to give me daily prompts for writing about what's really important and what to be grateful for. I hope these books help any of you suffering from depression or panic and anxiety and please let me know how they help or what else you suggest.
I think this is as far as I'll go with this post. I have a few more ideas but I'll chop this into part 1 and part 2. Thanks for brainstorming with me! I love using the month of January to plan great things for the year!
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| you like my hair? Gee thanks, just bought it! |
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