This blog post about sexuality and sex positivity and good sexual health = good mental health is such a long time coming from me. I've been building it up for so long and now I'm ready to release it. Kinda like a...you get it. There's always been a side to me that is overtly sexual in nature, from what I wrote in notes to kids back in school to what I wrote on my facebook wall in the early aughts...I've always been open about the joy and draw of sexual intimacy. There are so many things that I've wanted to tell you, my mental health warriors. Things that I've been afraid to talk about for many reasons. The judgment from my peers, family or friends. Losing monetization. Turning my readers away. but none of this real talk that I'm preaching about matters if I can't be me. So I'm going to touch ever so lightly on the subjects I'm ready to address and I'll let you decide if you want to keep going. Let's keep it consensual. K? K.
Personal Experiences
My Momma raised me right. I grew up spending most of my time with my mother and so for that reason, her parenting rules over all and she always talked openly to me about sex when the time was right. It was all only ever normal and natural. Nothing to be scared of in any way. Parents: Thank You for that. I'm serious. Thank you so much. Because of this level-headed way of going about it is why I think I have such a healthy approach to sexuality. I planned out and executed losing my own virginity like a kid plans their summer-time job goal and what they are going to buy with their allowance. When I thought I was ready to lose my V-card, I made myself wait 3 months longer after that in order to be "sure". I didn't lose my virginity because of another person, it was because I was ready and I am in charge of what I do when it comes to my body. I planned the whole thing and it went just as unceremoniously as I wanted it to. No unrealistic expectation here. and when I was done, I did what I do now, I wrote about it. We should all know that sexuality is very personal and no I don't believe one's relationship with their own sexuality starts when they engage with a partner because there's the whole experience of self discovery that's so very important and that's a critical first step.
Partners
Who you share yourself with is very sacred. I believe you should save as much of yourself as possible before giving to others. Self exploration is great although human nature will always lead us to finding another human to share ourselves with. A partner. Again, thanks to the amazing parenting of my Momma, I was never scared or traumatized when I realized that I like both men and women in many different ways- just as I like them in many of the same ways. I'll never forget the exhilaration and pride of being able to walk down the historical streets of the Castro District while holding hands with another woman while my Mom walked along side us. I nonchalantly asked over my shoulder, "Mom...you know I like men and women, right?" and I believe her reaction was something along the lines of, "Duh". I never had a "coming out" because it was just always the way I was. I wrote on the back of my school photos "Bi-Sexual Forever!" my sophomore year of high school before handing them out to friends so I guess that was my way of making the announcement.
Safety
I know to be safe and you guessed it, I got it from my Momma. Not that she actually gave me condoms but she gave me very important knowledge: safe sex is not just about physical safety but also emotional safety. My God, we are such fragile and beautiful creatures and hormones can make us feel like doing things that we aren't spiritually ready for. Always be safe and protective of your body and your heart. I have made a lot, I mean tons and tons, of mistakes but take one precaution from me: do your homework. Intimacy is a very complicated dance that most of us aren't born with or even raised to do well on our own. Buy some books, talk to a therapist, talk to doctors and always remember that you come first. (take that in whatever way you want)
Preference
Us human beings...we're freaking weird animals man. I mean, we are freaky. There are a lot of different interests and varieties out there. I don't think anyone should ever feel like they are alone in what they like, especially in the modern day of the internet. You are only ever a few google searches and clicks away from finding your people. I may not share the same thrills as others get but that's no reason to judge. Hell, I used to sell my underwear on craigslist for extra cash not because I got off on it but because I wanted the money! One should never kink-shame and should always have confidence in their game! Find your niche and share with those who matter most. Real one's will understand. When in doubt, reach out to a therapist and if you've never thought about talking to a therapist about sex then boy-oh-boy are you missing out on the whole sexual health = mental health thing! Get into it!
This is far as I'm going to go with this today and it's not much but I think you get the gist of what I'm wanting to discuss and how. I'm interested in personal stories, mine and yours, advice, emotional connections and learning new things with an open mind. I hope that you are into that as well. I've been writing to you guys for 5 years now and I'd like to think we know each other pretty well so I figured we'd move on to the next step. However, the next step may not always be accessible via this platform or any other conventional platform due to Google's pretty tight grip on censorship. I may be moving content to different places in the future and I want you to be aware of that fact. I'm never going to stop writing to you here but if I am ever made to feel like I can't speak my mind freely or fear that I'll get my content taken down and lose my income, I will move some topics to other sites that are more supportive. I promise to keep you all up to date! In the meantime, tell me what you want to discuss or what you want me to talk about! I'm adding a special section of my website specifically for personal questions, suggestions for topics or any other little thing you'd like to share. That way you can contact me in a more private manner instead of commenting publicly (which most of my readers don't prefer anyhow due to the private nature of the topics on my blog)
Please let me know what topics you want to explore together and visit the new contact form on my website to say hello! Also watch my vlogs on youtube as well because it's fun and don't forget to subscribe!
In the meantime for some fun check out my favorite drag queens talking about sex: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJrR29k4-UA
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| an extra studious lewk for a very serious subject |
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