Trying to Reorganize and find Order in Panic Disorder

 Hello! Hi! Welcome back, my super strong mental health warriors! I'm in a good mood today so I'm using this strength to write what I can. Truth is, I wake up in a good mood and ready for whatever on most days, but as the day progresses, panic disorder and anxiety have been getting in the way. Let's review the differences between panic disorder and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder):

Panic Disorder: 

• Recurring panic attacks
• Fear of going insane or losing control
• Feelings of unreality (derealization) or being detached from oneself (depersonalization)
• Excessive worry about future attack
• Chest pain, trembling, and shaking
• Accelerated heart rate, shortness of breath

GAD:

• Excessive worry over everyday life events
• Worrisome thoughts that interfere with daily functioning
• Sleep troubles, fatigue, muscle tension
• Irritability
• Feelings of mind going blank, or impaired concentration
• Digestive issues

I suffer from both of these troublesome afflictions and on a daily basis, I have been dealing with both. Panic disorder has jumped into the front seat with me for the last month or so after taking a long break. You can blame 2020 and the pandemic on it's return but I know that it's going to show up in my life again and again at the most inconvenient times. Anxiety and depression, along with ADHD, are my daily ride-or-die mental illnesses that I am most comfortable dealing with. Not so much panic disorder. It's really turned my life upside down and made my own peace of mind non-existent. Especially the excessive worry of another attack coming on. I haven't been able to talk much about my panic attacks, in my blogs or vlogs, due to this phenomenon of talking about them usually bringing on another attack. Today, however, I am feeling fearless with a new friend (medication) by my side. Meet Hydroxyzine:

Researchers don’t know exactly how hydroxyzine works in the human body and mind to treat anxiety, but most healthcare providers agree that it changes the effects of 2 chemicals in our bodies: histamine and serotonin.

As an antihistamine, hydroxyzine blocks the effects of histamine in your body, which makes you sleepy. (Think about how you feel after taking Benadryl or Nyquil.) Serotonin is a chemical that affects your mood. Hydroxyzine’s unique effect on serotonin is likely why it’s the only antihistamine used in the treatment of anxiety.

While hydroxyzine is very versatile and is used to treat many different types of anxiety disorders, it is used most often for generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). 

You may have seen in television shows portraying drug addicts needing something to "take the edge off" and that's exactly what this medication is helping me with. Yes, I still have access to my xanax, but as I always mention I hate taking it because it's so addictive and can cause massive withdrawal symptoms after only a short time of increased daily dosing. Don't get me wrong, I love how Xanax makes me feel and it's a shame I can't live my life feeling anxiety and panic free naturally, but this is the way God made me. Can I also be honest about how much I hate the fact that I need more medication at all? It makes me really sad when I think about how about a year ago, I was on an all time low amount of medication, even deemed "pregnancy safe" while we were Trying To Conceive, and here I am feeling like a paper bag full of dirty drugs.  I know there should be no shame in our medication game but I'm also going to be transparent. Hell no, I don't want to be full of prescription drugs. I hate it! but lately I've lost control over my my own mind. I gotta do what I can to get my control back. 

There are other factors playing in this drama as well. I am choosing to address this to you guys in a vlog as it's better said in my own words using my voice to talk to you. Speaking of vlogging, I need your help. As you know, I recently started my vlogging channel on Youtube and it's great to talk to you guys in this way and very rewarding. However, I'd be lying to y'all if I said I don't also need to monetize (which means to make money from) my vlogging channel the same way that my blog is monetized. There's an extra step in getting to the monetization of YouTube and that's a subscriber count and viewing hours. *sigh* I wish there was a way I could just transfer over my AdSense account to YouTube without jumping through their hoops but here we are. A girl has got to make her content and earn her money too. I know I can count on you guys because I've asked before in your help in increasing my instagram following along with facebook and countless other things you've done to help. I now have nearly 900 followers on Instagram (couldn't get passed 700 when I finally asked you guys for help) and I had aunties and grandmas and friends all over the world making Instagram accounts to follow my account and boost my numbers. I now also have (11 people shy of) 3,000 mental health warriors on my facebook page. and it makes me cry tears of joy and gratitude when I ask you guys to click on advertisements in this blog when I need an income boost and you always follow through. Never do you leave me hanging and I am so incredibly grateful! I love you guys so much! Let's make magic happen again and please, create a YouTube account if you don't have one already and subscribe to my channel, view and like my vlogs, and share, share and share some more! Let's normalize talking about mental illness in a world of beauty vloggers and celebrity drama! I need 1,000 subscribers and 4,000 watch hours before I can monetize. Right now I am at 3 subscribers and 9 watch hours. There's nothing wrong with that. I literally just started posting my vlogs on Christmas day. Bear with me while I learn to better edit my videos, buy better vlogging cameras (need $$$ for that!) and learn how to create better content. I'm trying to put videos out there that are real and from my heart and that's going to be hard with all of the rules on YouTube. One of the biggest barriers I'm seeing is that I want to have frank discussions about mental and sexual health and how important they both are yet YouTube loves to rip down any video discussing even remotely sexual content. I understand that's for good reasons, however, we need to start a revolution in that department. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm about to post a vlog discussing our new business and PTSD and panic disorder and how it all relates and I need your support. Please subscribe to my youtube channel now and like all of my videos and please leave comments. I've even put videos on of my favorite youtubers that I want to support in the background tabs of my computer while I worked on other things so that I could help them get their viewing hours increased. If you don't want to make a YouTube account remember you can still view videos but also YouTube allows you to make your channel subscriptions private. I dunno, maybe you don't want me to know that you are fan and want to subscribe anonymously? lol Whatever you you can do, I appreciate it so much! Watch my latest vlog here where I discuss my panic attacks and daily life while stringing up some orange slice garland for my winter decor! Also buy a Valentine's Day card here and use code THANKYOU10 for 10% off of my etsy store as a blog reader! I'll see you guys back here soon!