It's been way too long, you guys, I'm so sorry. I feel like I've let my very special blog readers down and that makes me feel awful but I'm here now! I actually have been creating a lot of content lately but not so much for my blog. I've been filming vlogs! My "Get Ready with Me" or GRWM vlogs are a special way for me to still connect with you but on a more personal level. but I do realize that most of you haven't followed me over there yet so I am now formally, officially and graciously inviting you to join me in my cozy vlogging adventures! but have no fear because writers gonna write and I'm always going to be writing to you guys here so keep checking back on both platforms! Also! if you want to stay updated to them all please subscribe! Then you'll get an email notification every time I post anything. If you are tiktok person, I finally joined that platform as well so I can meet and interact with even more of you!!
Today I want to talk about several things and it's so hard to get a good groove going with you guys when I haven't written in a while so here we go! As you all know, when my job changed from local giftshop/local artists retail store to mortuary transport work, I had quite a few issues with that emotionally. I think I was ready to push myself through that type of work despite the panic attacks as I watched so many heroes come out in the open that work every day jobs and people that do a really good service for our communities and how needed they are right now more then ever. During the pandemic I kept thinking that there must be more I can contribute to the world. I know that my blogging and vlogging is reaching out and putting myself out there but I always feel that I need to do more. When the county reached out to the local funeral homes asking for assistance in a bind and needing people to the tough jobs of removing and transporting bodies to the scenes of death and to the morgues and then the medical examiner and back, my husband and I were the only people to step up in the entire county and now we take take care of those needs not only for our county but another near by as well. I felt like I was really doing something that contributes to the functionality. I knew it would be hard and it has been immensely so. Scenes of suicides, overdoses, lonely deaths and decomps are just a handful of things that am subjected to. but it's also a blessing to be there for a mourning mother sobbing over her young son who took his own life by suicide on a holiday, or a wife who lost her husband to a very physical and then emotional illness, or the parent's and roommates of someone who has been dealing with a drug addiction for years and lost their battle. I say it's a blessing because it helps me to realize how much of a blessing this life is and how much of a gift it is. A true gift from God that I could never look at the same way again. (Ephesians 2:8-9 is one of many examples I can find about this gift we've been given)
Let's talk about PTSD and trauma. We can be traumatized by so much in this life. Life itself is traumatizing. I'm not ashamed to say that I went in over my head with this job and it's not like I thought I could handle it, I just didn't know how horrible it would be on my psyche. In the very core of my very soft heart, it is extremely hard to take these cases on and take it home with me. Besides the violence, I see the faces, I hear the mournful tears and destitute loneliness that one lived their last days or hours of life in. My heart cannot bear it at times but I pushed on to do a job that is needed to be done. Not to mention selfishly I love the pay which is better than any other job I've had and we need to make money. but I could not handle the panic attacks. I had to give myself rules and boundaries. Boundaries are so important in self care and managing mental illness. I realized in order to keep doing this work, I needed to give myself boundaries that I cannot cross. I will keep those boundaries to myself for now but I have set them and due to that, I have been able to keep doing my job. I'm interested in delving deeper, though.
I'm setting an appointment with the psychic/medium/healer whom I saw for my Friday the 13th birthday last March so that she can help me set boundaries in my soft heart an protect my sensitive Pisces soul. I am empath in every meaning of the word. I take peoples true emotions to heart and every person that share physical space with, I share their thoughts, feelings and emotions as well. I take their feelings into my own heart and then take their energy home with me. I've always done it. I'm like an emotional hoarder of other people's feelings. It's time for me to hone in on my inner Goddess and forge my armour so I can continue to serve my community. I am ecstatic and scared. Will this toughening of my outer armour break my care free spirit? Will I have to open myself more to my true abilities then what I've ever been comfortable with before? Perhaps! and I am so excited to share this journey with you guys, my sweet, dear blog readers.
Thank you for your patience with me! Thanks for always coming back! Please remember to share this blog post! You never know who it could help!
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