Why do we continuously put off the things that are so good for us? Uhg. If you struggle with that, just know you're not alone. I've had a rough 2021 year depression wise, however, I've learned a lot and in honing my tools I've added some new ones to my belt as well. At the very pits of my despair last Saturday I told myself enough of condolement and it was time to get back out there. Much obliged for very dear friends who were able to play with me the very next day after calling. Even talking on the phone day-to-day to friends/family has helped. I know that's not commonplace with adults. Everyone is so "busy". I saw my Momma too so I know that has bolstered my recovery. I'm back to daily meditations and giving all my bullshit to my yoga mat. As Eddie uses the rest of his GI bill (where the government pays veterans to go to college) and look for more ways to leave the house and interact with others, we are both college bound this fall. I'm planning to take creative writing and French and he'll be taking culinary classes! We're hoping we have enough staff to cover our business's calls while we're busy. I'm also still working a couple days a week at the little funeral home in the country. I'm grateful for the job as it's more my speed than what I was doing with our business.
Now that we're kinda sorta caught up, I want to tell you about a book I read recently that I found really useful and I think you may too. It was sent to me by my amazing mother in law and I can't believe it took me months to to get to! What was I waiting for?! Apparently to have a cute little desk job to read the book at but anyways. It's a book called "Life Lines" and it's written by Melissa Bernstein, founder of toy company Mellissa and Doug. I know I could immediately relate when the author suffers from depression and has a creative but health obsession with all things associated with childhood playtime.
On the cover of her book, she calls herself a survivor of existential anxiety and depression. I know I've felt that helpless feeling before, of a life wasted in a cruel world, but I had never put it into words.
ex·is·ten·tial/ˌeɡzəˈsten(t)SH(ə)l/
adjective
relating to existence.
PHILOSOPHY
concerned with existence, especially human existence as viewed in the theories of existentialism.
LOGIC
(of a proposition) affirming or implying the existence of a thing.
according to estatdpsychological.com:
When you are facing issues with freedom, death, or life, you can face existential depression. If you find you are asking questions such a,s is my life only to work, create a family of my own, and die, you may be suffering from existential depression. Other questions that people who are suffering from this condition tend to ask include:
Does anyone truly care about me?
Will I find someone who truly understands and believes in me?
Is there a God and where is the proof that he cares?
As a true millennial, I'm also completely torn about the life that was promised to me; being able to work hard and earn a living that affords the finer things in life, and the life I lead; non-living wages, unattainable financial goals. I am no stranger to existential dread. but relating it to my overall mental illness? I had never thought of that.
The book is called life lines because just like me, she writes everything out in order to organize her mental chaos. Same girl, same. She has published in this book countless pages of perfectly rhymed stanzas and although I can't claim the same perfectionism I will say that writing it out has saved me.
I guess since I am still alive, I too am a survivor of existential depression and anxiety. What are you a survivor of? I challenge you to celebrate your achievements. If you are still living, you have indeed won over your hardships. and I congratulate you my friend.
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