Sitting on school campus, once again, in this season of my life has offered me much inspiration as far as aesthetically pleasing settings goes. It’s raining outside, the first rainy and cold week of the autumn season is here. I am sitting in a warm campus library. Curled up in fuzzy socks, my favorite pair of lululemon tights and high top Nike dunks. Hair is long and flows down my plaid shirted back (thanks to new extensions). Glasses are on. Heart and mind are humming with inspiration.
I am so lucky, to be
here, learning with all these young students. I know some people probably
quiver at the idea of rejoining college life at almost 40 years old. Whereas I
love it and have craved it. All the traveling I’m doing, driving down state and
back weekly, has afforded me time to listen to plenty of audiobooks and
podcasts. I’m consuming audible media as fast as my ears can take me.
It's Halloween season. I’m sufficiently spooked. Is it
mid-terms blues that has me melancholy? Approaching seasonal affective
disorder? Is it the old tales of witches and spirits I’m listening to by day
and horror movies consumed with my girlfriends by night, that has me chilled?
It doesn’t matter because it suits the times. Nothing is really wrong in my
life. I’m very satisfied and as per usual live the lifestyle of a spoiled housecat.
Seeing my family down state on a regular basis has done my heart good. Being up
to my brain in school work is exactly what I want to be surrounded by.
I write daily. I’m recording my podcasts and the download
numbers keep going up every single week. I wonder how all these people are
finding my podcast and I’m curious about what these strangers think about what
they are hearing. To me, the audience of my blog, is an old friend and I can
picture you even now as I type. But the podcast audience is still new to me. I
just posted my 13th episode which is my lucky number as I’m sure you
know.
My latest podcast episode coming out this week is about
dreams. Nightmares still plague me so the topic is kismet. In fact, I had a
nightmare last night. Roused me from my sleep at 1am and I staid awake and
scared until 3 or 4am. That’s ok as my leisurely life allows me to sleep in
when needed. Even so, a leisurely life doesn’t make up for the PTSD nightmares.
A good life does not mean I have lack of hard times. Having wealth and safety
does not mean the mental illness goes away. That’s what I’m always trying to
convince people. It’s a full-time job staying out of depression and dodging
panic attacks. However, I realize that
some others don’t have the pleasure of being sad or scared, because they
have to work so much anyhow. I understand that.
Even so, my life is good and I’m not sorry about it. I’m
proud of the life Eddie and I have created and the discomfort I’m putting
myself through in order to go back to school. Leaving home every week makes me
so sad and I do it anyways, for the both of us and for the people I will
someday help as a social worker and therapist. Someday I won’t always be able
to afford to sleep in and that’s fine too because life is only so long and I
have so much to do.
How are you? What have you learned by leaving your comfort
zone lately? What do you look forward to, as mundane or trivial is you think it
may be? What do you study in your free time?
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