Last week was honestly one of the worst weeks ever. Not necessarily because of the events that happened. Although, those were rough too, but by the fact that I was nearly at my wits end with a lot of things. Firstly, there was the dreaded 2nd statistics exam. The fact that I am even taking statistics is mind blowing to me. I often have imposter syndrome like, "how am I here? I barely made it through algebra?". But I made it becuase I am a bad ass bitch and a woman in STEM. lol I sat here last week, before my exam, writing to you guys about which holiday romcoms to tune into this season. Why wasn't I studying? I was studied the fuck out y'all. I spend hours every single night online with the Grand Valley statistic tutors on Discord. Over the weekend, looking at what my professor obtusely called "practice questions", I began to cry while online with the tutor as I was just. Not. Getting. It. So blogging before class was my way of trying to re-the fuck-lax before said exam. I had done all I could do. 20 + hours a week and I was at my mathematical limit. But does the limit exist? Becuase I kept going. I drove the 2 1/2 hours to campus, sat through 2 hours of teaching into the next unit, AND THEN I could finally take the exam. You guys, it was so freaking hard. I felt like I was going to pass out. I felt like I was going to throw up. I felt myself get tunnel vision. Becuase of the way college students still treated very much like babies, If I would've left the room to compose myself, I would've been given an F. I pay for this abuse?! Geez. Yea, I pay A LOT. I must be sadistic af.
What's even better about this situation is after I wrote above paragraph, I found out I got the lowest exam grade in the class. Since it's a statistics class, we go over the mean score, the averages, and the quartiles and on the 3rd quartile I saw my 64% looking back at me. The professor was going on and on about how our mean score was SO LOW because we had an OUTLIER (my low score) dragging the whole thing down. Did anyone know it was mine? Nobody except the prof and I. and I did feel like he kept making eye contact with me, which is probably just the spotlight phenomenon but still.
Why am I saying all of this? A very good reason actually.
You hear people often say that you "can't be the best at everything" and everyone has something they're good at and you can't be good everything. Well, sometimes, you are the worst at something. Actually, I've been putting myself in a lot of situations this past couple of years where I am the "worst". AKA, trying new things. And that's how you grow! Keep showing up and eventually, there will be someone "worse" than you and finally, you'll be just as good as everyone else! Make sense?
I talk about idea and so much more on this week's podcast episode! Check it out here on spotify or here to listen from your browser!
Remeber: You Can Do Hard Things!
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