What Could've Been

Hello mental health warriors! I had a dream last week that I decided that "40 wasn't too old" and that I was going to do everything I could to get pregnant. Although it was just dream, I know that in real life no matter what goal I set myself to, I accomplish.  I take after my Mom in that regard. This dream had me thinking about what could've been from time to time. 

Recently, on my girly-pop group chat, a friend of mine remarked "I don't know how you have the energy to decorate for every holiday the way you, Hauling all of that shit up from the basement and back down again". It's true, I don't know how I have the energy either. It's another thing about me that makes me remember I would've been a great mom. Also, we are going to a gym now with child watch and as I was leaving my workout this morning, being the only woman there my age who didn't check a kid in before starting, I wondered about what could have been. Our neighborhood is also perfect to raise a child, it has a preschool and elementary school only blocks away. That's one of reasons why we picked it. I've heard other people say that it's always the couples that want children the most that don't get them. I don't fully agree with that but I can see how it appears that way.

Yes, we are happy with where things are and as is. If we had kids, we probably wouldn't have been able to go out on a limb and start our business. Nor would I be able to go back to school to pursue my masters degree. We've even been thinking that I might as well continue on after that to get my PhD, which I've always dreamt of. Certainly, I couldn't become Dr. Loomis while raising kids.

That's what I tell myself. The truth is, many people with children start businesses and become doctors. It's harder I guess with kids. But it also sometimes seems harder to spend your time wondering. 

Thanks for being here for my rant today. Have you listened to this weeks podcast episode yet? Check it out!  It's all about traveling with mental illness and how I've unitized tips and tricks in the past.