Today is just a day of me really struggling. With many things, but mostly my damn statistics class. I had to end a tutoring session today because I kept crying. So, that really sucks. I'm not having a good time to say the least. I'm really struggling with thoughts of "am I good enough for this?" "am I stupid?". On top of that, the prof refuses to talk to me virtually (office hours are for in person only!) Even though I told him I live 3 hours away he won't budge. So, I don't even know what to say today. I'm in a world of worry.
I was already shaking with anxiety before my tutor session. So I did a tapping session on this really cool app that I have. and afterwards, I was feeling much better, refreshed and ready to go for my appointment. but, upon beginning to do the practice problems, I realized I am really far in over my head and being taking over by the waves of stats so to speak. and unfortunately, after getting really frustrated by this, I began to cry. Some may wonder why I am going through all the trouble to do this. The truth is, I feel as though I have no choice. Just like I have no choice to other hard things like dieting and exercise. It's really hard but I refuse to do the alternative.
So, I just keep digging my feet in and keep going. I am sticking to this blogmas becuase I must check in daily to remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel. and this won't be my last run with statistics because a masters in social work uses a lot of statistics as well. I need to get comfortable with it but it's just so. damn. hard.
My one break from stats today was cleaning out the chicken coop and going for a walk. The chickens are so happy and fluffy and it makes me so happy. I wish I could enjoy them beyond all of my stress right now.
I'm trying. I'm praying and I'm going to finish this class and finish it well. My goal is to keep the C+ that I have. I really hope more good things happen this weekend for me to write to you about. Remember, you can do hard things. You really can. I'm off to the gym for leg day now.
Love,
Lindsay
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