I guess spring break at home in Northern Michigan isn't too bad...I was supposed to be in Cleveland with my Momma, finally getting to tour the Rock & Roll hall of fame museum- a trip I was really looking forward to. However, panic and anxiety have gotten the best of me and I decided I needed a REAL break for spring break.
Last time I wrote you guys, I was talking about my health anxiety and a doctors appointment I had where my blood pressure was randomly high. Turns out, this was due to a fever I had that day and the immense pain I was in with a perforated ear drum. I literally cried tears of joy when my doctor told me he was not worried about my blood pressure at all and that I was one of his patients that he DID NOT want checking my blood pressure at home. Phew! My panic and anxiety had me actually thinking I was dying for a solid 4 days. and all of that adrenaline and fight or flight chemicals had poisoned my body and my nerves. I was still on red alert.
All this last week, in between finishing up school projects, dance classes, intermittent fasting schedules and calorie counting, I kept coming up to high peaks of panic in between each event but was determined to push on. Until I couldn't anymore. I forced myself to stay on the couch and watch Disney movies all weekend. I had As in all my classes, had lost 14 pounds since January (a health goal of mine to lose more weight after gaining some over 2021-2022) and, in the words of my husband, I need to re-the fuck-lax. lol
I've also noticed a pattern of my panic attacks happening more often when I was actively losing weight. I have no idea which came first, the chicken or the egg. In this case, the anxiety or the weight loss, as they fed off of each other. How can I get to a healthy weight while keeping my panic in check? I just need to chill out a bit and realize this is a marathon, not a race.
I cried a few times over the weekend, lamenting at the idea of packing for a trip making me sick to my stomach but also wanting to spend time with my Momma and luckily she helped me make the best decision and was the one to recommend actually spending my spring break- taking a literal break.
So, here I am at home. Not dashing off to work outs and signing into classes or entering each and ever calorie I eat onto my phone. and I'm starting to feel a bit better. Panic and anxiety still welling up but the tide has gone down and the water line gets lower and lower. I turn 39 next week and I'm still learning to regulate my nervous system.
How have you been?
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| maybe spring break at home isn't so bad? |
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